I Want More

Most of my posts on this blog are about teaching and what's going on in my life with the job I have...but this blog is called "Life As I Know It," right? Well, my life isn't centered around being a teacher, although, that's what I do most of the time and it's something I love.



More importantly, my life is centered around Christ.


Lately I've been thinking about the human heart...and my heart, mainly I suppose. That seems a little selfish as I type the words, but it's the one that's inside of me! In the book of Jeremiah it says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Those words have been coming to my mind over and over. While it may sound harsh and you may think, "But I can't help what's in my heart! That's just how I am!," if you really were honest with yourself, it's true. It's true of my heart. Here's what has been going on in the heart and mind of Ali.

I have desires in my heart. I have goals. I work hard for them. I'm a pretty determined and competitive girl. Some of these desires are worldly, temporary or selfish. Others are things that normal, almost-23-year-old girls want. However, when a goal is accomplished or the Lord graciously gives me the desires of my heart, not too much time passes before I'm setting my sights on something else. I wanted to graduate from Cedarville -- Check. I wanted to spend time with the girls in my youth group and build new relationships -- Check. I wanted to get a teaching job -- Check.

"But Ali, those are all good things!"
Yes, they are. But did I want those things for selfish gain, or did I want them to glorify Christ? Will those things truly fulfill the longings inside of my heart?

No. They won't.

While there are amazing things that are worth pursuing in this life that are all gifts from our precious Father, they will not complete our hearts. They will not fill the voids that are there. Even if you don't think you have any...you do! The truth that is resonating in my mind and heart is this:

Jesus Christ is the only person in this whole entire universe that can  satisfy my heart.

Can I go a step further and be a little more vulnerable?

My whole life I have struggled with wanting the approval and affirmation of others. I find myself wanting people to think highly of me, to know that I work hard, etc. But...even when I do, my heart is still yearning for something more. That's the thing with worldly pursuits and wanting recognition from others-- it quickly melts away and people move on or forget. Who is the Only One who can truly know and love your heart and you for you? Jesus Christ. When I live my life for other people, I end up feeling empty, disappointed, and like I don't really measure up. But my Savior sees right through my appearance, my actions, and my words--He sees my heart. He sees what makes me motivated. He knows what's best for me. He knows how to fill up my heart in a way that no one and nothing else can. Another thing that's been hard for me to wrestle with lately is (excuse me while I swallow my pride and admit this) yep, you guessed it. Feeling lonely, in the sense of being single. I mean, how long have I been totally okay with being single and trusting that God is going to take care of this? For forever! I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the fact that about 60% of my friends are dating/engaged/got married this summer. And don't get me wrong: my heart is OVERJOYED for them! Seriously! Yet, in the back of my head there's a small voice that says, "Father, I am so happy for my friends...but when will it be my turn?" Is it so wrong to want a guy who loves Jesus with everything inside of him, pursues integrity and purity, makes me laugh, and like sports?! That values the same things as me and is like-minded, even if I'm pretty conservative?? No. But are my sights set more on that than my Father?

Yet here's the truth again: "Alison, my timing is perfect. Your best is my priority. Even if/when you do meet that someone, he will never fill every part of your heart like I can. Your problems will not magically disappeared when you're married. YOUR HEART IS CREATED FOR ME."

When I speak this truth to myself and see His promises in His Word, my perspective is back on track. His promises are enough for me. He wants me to be content and patient right where He has me! Okay, here's a little of my teaching life. I could sit here and laugh out loud at myself! When my kiddos are being impatient, and I have about half of them talking to me at once saying things like, "Miss Bigler, tie my shoes!" "Miss Bigler, you forgot to turn the screen on!" "Miss Bigler, why can't I see the video?!" "Miss Bigler, I look at this!"

Here is what I tell them: "Boys and girls, we need to be patient! Do you know what being patient means? BEING HAPPY TO WAIT and BEING HAPPY WHILE YOU ARE WAITING."

I should take my own advice, right?

I don't want to be the girl that is always waiting for the next thing! I want to be a teacher who focuses on her kiddos today, being the best she can be. I want to be a daughter/sister/aunt who loves her family today and focuses on the time she has now. I want to be a friend who is all there in every conversation, listening and loving like Jesus commands. I want to be a Christian who does what she knows the Lord has called her to be every day: obedient to Him, a servant to others, and a light to a lost world. When I focus on what the Lord has in front of me, He will work everything else out. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Seek Him FIRST, and the rest will follow. Then, in His perfect and sweet timing, I can someday be what He wants me to be. Instead of a heart that yearns for my own desires and only will do for a short time, I want to have a heart that yearns for HIM. I want to have a heart that has a fire for Him.

Oh, here's a song that I have been playing OVER and OVER. Hopefully I don't get sick of it. I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do :)


Again, my heart is so encouraged by the people who tell me they are praying for me/and or see my blog. Sorry this one is a little different, but I can always use the prayer! If you ever have any wise words or advice for me, just text me, e mail me, or message me on Facebook or something like that. I know I have a lot of learning to do on this narrow road, and I'm always receptive to some help.

There's the video :)

My New Normal

I have just completed my first full week of teaching. Wahoo! I would consider that an accomplishment! In those two weeks the following has occurred:

1 accident.
1 student threw up on the floor.
1 student with strep throat.
5 kids out with a fever.
COUNTLESS hugs.


I have learned a lot about the mind and behaviors of a kindergartener. When people think about kindergarten, they may think, "What's so hard about that? You play. You sing. You go outside. You eat snacks."


Mmmmm....think again! ;)


Teaching is a whole different world, and you really only understand it once you've done it. It's constant planning. Constant concern for your kiddos and their health. It's trying to figure out how each student thinks, what their strengths are, what they need help with, how they treat others, what motivates them, ETC. It never stops, ya know.

Needless to say, I have been trying to figure out my new normal. This new normal consists of very early mornings, going to bed early, washing my hands all the time, memorizing which kid goes home on what bus/van, and only going to the bathroom about 2 times during the whole school day. This new normal is teaching me that I have to say "no" to some things and/or people (which really hurts my heart sometimes), to prioritize my time wisely, and to have a LOT of patience. 16 little ones who are learning how to be at school can be a little overwhelming, but it is so very worth it. I love when my kiddos come in in the mornings. I love when more and more of them remember what to do for our morning routines. I love when they try so hard to remember which hand goes over their heart during the Pledge of Allegiance. I love how innocent (well, most of the time ;)) they are in their thinking. I love when they laugh while I'm reading to them. I love watching them dance during GoNoodle videos. I love when they get excited when they learn new things. Even in just a week and a half, I have seen growth in many of my kiddos. For instance...

One of my students missed 4/5 days of school last week. When Friday came, he was out, and then two other kiddos went home (It's only the second week of school, people!). I was talking to the class about how we need to remember to be washing our hands, staying healthy, etc., when one of my boys says, "We should make him "Get better" cards! THAT made my heart happy. My kiddos are learning to care about each other. I explained to them that we are all friends, and that we are a kindergarten family that loves and protects each other (Just like Mrs. Clark told us!).

They turned out pretty well! 

Another thing that has been happening is the building of relationships between myself and my co-workers. I think I literally have the BEST staff in the whole wide world. My kindergarten team has welcomed and helped me beyond belief. They have given me resources and advice. I have a wonderful aide that comes in and helps me every morning! I think I'd go crazy without her. My principal has been supportive to all the teachers and has impacted me greatly. He really cares about the well-being of the staff and students. And another thing that I'm thankful for is the group of parents I have in my class! I have had such kind and caring exchanges with them already. So many parents have expressed a desire to volunteer and send in snacks and supplies. They have welcomed me to the school, too, and have made this new normal even better! 

Since I need to be going to sleep soon, here's how you can be praying: 

1. For my kiddos' health. I have had so many sick, and it's not even cold season yet :/

2. For my own health. I am VERY congested and my head feels a bit like it's going to explode. I am 90% sure I have a sinus infection (which I have gotten my whole life periodically). I'm going to try to get a doctor's appointment tomorrow!

3. That my class continues to get used to being at school.

4. That I would rely on the LORD for strength--not on my own. 

5. That I would have good time management and would have energy to be the very best teacher I can be.

Thank you for your prayers and your encouragement! I am still overwhelmed by the love I have received from the people surrounding me. 

The Power of His Truth

This is just going to be a quick one! As my Kindergarten Walk-In and school are coming ever so quickly, I have found how much time I need to spend at school...and then how PRECIOUS my down time is. I'm guessing this will become my new normal :)


This week I have been working on decorating my classroom and organizing things. At times, when my perspective is on point, I am excited about my classroom and meeting my kiddos. Other times, I feel so overwhelmed with information and completely inadequate. Yesterday was a day where I felt flooded with information and had so much to do I wanted to sit down and cry. Finally, after being at the school roughly 5 1/2 hours, I decided it was probably best for me to go home. One thing I love about where my school is located is the drive. It's about 20-25 minutes away. This is a perfect amount of time to do one of 4 things:

1. Listen to music and sing embarrassingly loud.
2. Simply listen to the music
3. Drive silently, meditating on my day and listening for His voice
4. Talk out loud to Jesus and pour out my heart

All of those are perfectly good options, depending on what day it is and what happened either at home or school. Yesterday I chose option #2. As my heart was pounding and my mind was racing with all the things I still have to do, I snapped out of my thoughts (selfish and anxious ones, I might add) and heard these words:

"I hear the Savior say, 'Thy strength indeed is small.'
Child of weakness, watch and pray.
Find in Me thine all in all."


"Uhhhh, YEAH. AMEN AND AMEN. God, this is totally me right now! You know where I'm at. You know I'm a hot mess...as usual!"



My heart melted. The Truth of those words washed over my soul. It eased my tense body. It took the heavy burden off my shoulders. I relaxed. In my head I picture a little girl crawling up into her big Father's lap and just collapsing. Imagery from Scripture of a Shepherd gathering up His lost and tired sheep in His arms pops into my head. The words from Psalm 23 talking about our Father making us lie down and leading us beside quiet waters came true in my life at that moment. Now, was I actually by still and quiet waters? No...I was driving, but He quieted my mind and heart. He regained my focus. The words of that hymn, and not even the most famous or loved ones, changed my perspective. For that, I'm thankful. It kind of changed the tone of the rest of my evening. I was able to unwind a little bit and gear up for today.

Today I get to meet with the other women on my kindergarten team! They are seriously the sweetest and loveliest people. The Lord has blessed me immensely with Abbie, Lynne and Laura. Lynne has been so kind and understanding with me! I've been asking her question upon question. You know what, though? I NEED to ask them! This is so brand new for me. TOMORROW I get to meet my kiddos! I CAN'T WAIT. Knowing that I get to see their sweet faces and meet their parents makes everything else not seem so bad.


I know that a lot of people who read this (haha okay, probably not that many people actually read it...but..) pray for me. I am so thankful! So if you are wanting to know how to pray, I'll help you out :D


1. That the Lord would help me balance and manage my time well.
2. That I wouldn't let stress and fear take control.
3. That the walk-in tomorrow would go smoothly, that I would have the answers to the parents' questions, and that I would make a good first impression.
4. That the Lord would give me wisdom and discernment as I get everything ready for the first day of school next week.

I could probably list off about 20 things, but for your sake, I won't ;)

Hello, Kindergarten!

Yes! It's true! I DO have a job. It was quite the experience, too. So here's how it happened...




 Back in February, I had a phone interview with a school in Indianapolis, but it turned out to be a direction that I really wasn't looking to go. Then in March, I had an offer from a school in Columbus, OH, which I decided I didn't want. I don't know anyone in Columbus that I'm close to, and my desire has been to come back to Indiana.

A little over a month ago, I had no leads on jobs. My last post was around this time, too. I was really struggling! Teaching has never been something that I just chose because I didn't know what else to do. It's my PASSION. I love it with all my heart. So the thought of not having a job all lined up was tough for me, though it's so common not to have a job right out of college. My pride was hurt. The weight of uncertainty was crushing me. On the outside, I tried to smile and handle it well, but on the inside I was afraid.

So during this period of time, I was sitting on my bed one day, about to pour out my heart to Jesus on paper. I wrote my first sentence about the state of my heart, and kinda started to cry. In the middle of my next sentence, the phone rang. "I'm crying and don't feel like talking," I thought to myself (dramatic, much?). I didn't answer and let it go to messages. Then I hear on the phone,

"Hi, Alison. This is "so-and-so" from Middlebury Community Schools, and we'd like to have you come in for an interview on Friday. Give us a call back to set up a time..."


Well, that was a fast answer to my tear-filled prayer, wasn't it!? I couldn't believe it. ONCE AGAIN, the Lord graciously came through in HIS timing. My heart was overwhelmed with thankfulness. I called the school back and set up a time. I sat back down on my bed and thought, "What if I wouldn't have gotten that call? Would my heart still be thankful and trust Him?" Trusting God in the midst of uncertainty has been a theme in my life this summer. He has grown me, but I still have a LONG way to go.

My interview was on Friday, June 12th at 9:45 am. It went well. The people who conducted my interview were very welcoming and made me feel very comfortable. They all seemed to get along well together, which appealed to me. Every teacher wants to be apart of a system and staff in which they feel cared for, welcomed, and supported. I left feeling pretty good about everything, and was told I would hear sometime that next week from them. Well, that same night, I got a call with an offer for a kindergarten position at Orchard View Elementary in Middlebury, IN. It's about 20-25 minutes away from my house.

Long story short, I accepted that position and CAN'T WAIT! I get to meet my kiddos and their parents on August 6th for a kindergarten walk-through/open house, so the students and parents can see the school and meet me. Then school starts on AUGUST 12th! My, my, that's coming quickly!


I just want to thank everyone who prayed for me and checked in with me during this whole process. I have experienced the body of Christ and His love like none other. The Lord has heard your prayers! :) Along with that, I would like to thank my first grade teacher, Sherry Bickel, for helping me connect with the school. You're the best and I can't wait to teach with you!

ALSO, I just want to say that even if I still didn't have a job at this point, or never got one this year, the Lord would STILL be good. I firmly believe that in my heart. His ways are mysterious, yet perfect. They are hard to see sometimes, but He's sovereign. The older I get, the more evident these truths are. It seriously just makes me love Him more. He is a sweet, sweet Savior!


So...KINDERGARTEN, HERE I COME.

Getting Ready to Walk - Pt. 2.

Well, here I am, exactly one month after I walked across the stage at graduation. It's so funny to me that the last time I wrote, I was talking about physically walking. As I sit here one month later, I find myself thinking about walking in a very different way:

Walking by faith, not only with my feet, but in my mind and heart.


I believe that I've already expressed on here that growing up is hard. Yes, there are really great things about it, but not all of them are so great. Since I've graduated, the Lord is really showing me what it means to rest in Him alone and what it means to truly trust Him with all my heart. I don't have a teaching job lined up for the fall, am living at home, and have been feeling like I'm just existing. Call it a quarter-life crisis, if you will. "What am I doing with my life!?" "Lord, what do you want me to do right now?" "I'm just...stuck!" "Should I move to Indy with no job just to see if I like it?" These are thoughts that have been going through my head more than I'd like to admit.

Am I being lazy?
Shouldn't I have a job already?
What do I do while I'm home?
Should I just up and move?
Am I forcing Indy?

LORD, WHERE ARE MY ANSWERS? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?


"...Making you more like Jesus Christ, Alison."


Oh...Yeah, Lord. That's probably a good idea.
I'm just focusing on myself and getting answers. But what if the Lord doesn't want me to have every answer and every detail? Is that enough for me? When I don't have answers, all I have is Him. When my eyes are off of myself, I am FREE to focus on Him and loving others.

Wow. He's a pretty smart and wise God, huh?

At church on Sunday, which I could write a ton about because it was so good, the Lord comforted me through different people and in different ways. His care for me amazes me. Pastor Phil talked about our individual stories-- our "song." I realized that the Lord has equipped me in unique ways, and that I can still serve and be effective in this time of waiting. I'm not just existing. As long as I  am in Christ, I ALWAYS have purpose and a mission. It was kind of like the kick in pants I needed to STOP WAITING for things to just drop in my lap, and do what I KNOW how to do while I'm waiting-- TEACH. LOVE OTHERS. SERVE OTHERS. WORK WITH KIDS. "Be faithful to Me every day. Take up your cross. Take the opportunities I give you."

Okay, Lord. I will.

Another way He's been comforting me is through other people. After the service on Sunday, Tami Brinks (my lands, I love her so dearly!) came up to me and asked about my plans and if I had any leads for teaching jobs. A tad bit embarrassed, I told her no. "How can I pray for you?" she asked me. I explained to her what's been going on in my mind and heart, and her response has been going through my mind ever since:

"Ali, He loves when we come to Him with nothing."

It's hard for me to come to Him with nothing...because He deserves so much. You see, I'm a DOER. I put forth a lot of effort. I like working hard. My flesh likes to feel accomplished and like I've gotten approval...from others, and I've been learning that I try to earn God's approval. I've written about that before.


"For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
    you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

Psalm 51: 16-17

I am constantly reminded in God's Word that He doesn't want my works. He wants my heart, and when I come to Him with absolutely nothing, He gets all heart. Maybe I'm afraid to bring Him my heart because I know and am ashamed of what's inside it. He already knows what's in there, though. He sees my desire to please Him. He doesn't look at me and think, "Yikes, Ali. You're a mess. You're a nut job, actually. Why can't you just suck it up and trust me?" He looks at me and sees HIS righteousness and His SON! He remembers my frame and knows that I'm from dust.


In Him, all I can bring Him is my heart. I don't have it altogether. I don't have answers. I DO, though, have a Savior that I can rest in. I have a Savior who knows exactly what I need when I need it. His timing is so much more perfect than anything I could plan myself (Yes, even if that means His timing means waiting until a day before the school year!). While I wait on Him, I will serve. I will be obedient. I will love Him and others. I will take one day at a time. I will live for HIM--not for the opinions and approval of others, which is a weakness of mine.

The unrest in my heart just reminds me that He is the only One who can ease it and fulfill the desires of my heart. I get too caught up in the temporary and the things I can see. However...this is what GOD says about that:

 "For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.  For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling,  if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked.  For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.  He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.

 So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord,  for we walk by faith, not by sight.  Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.  So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.  For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil." 

2 Corinthians 5:1-9

Therefore, I will make it my aim to please Him. I will walk by faith. 

Getting Ready to Walk - Part 1.

Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday.

Then Saturday.



Whoa baby! It came so quickly!
The past couple weeks have seriously been a whirlwind. I can't really tell if I'm happy or sad. It goes back and forth, ya know? I'm done with pretty much everything, and it's surreal.

I had my last house church on Wednesday. My, my, how the Lord has blessed me through that group of people! It was such a sweet night of prayer, encouragement and fellowship. Jay made it very special for Maryssa, Micah, Caleb and I. I am privileged to have been welcomed in by them, since they were the original group. Maryssa has challenged me so incredibly much! She's going across the world to start her teaching career. She has a boldness for Christ and a passion for missions that I deeply admire and wish I had. We've gotten much closer and I am thankful. Micah and Caleb have impressed me a great deal. It's so awesome to see two guys who are dedicated to participating, leading, and pursuing Christ. These young men of Christ aren't just all talk. I am so excited to see how God uses them! Jay also had us sit next to each other and let people in the group wash our feet. It was humbling, yet one of the most meaningful things. It seemed really backwards that some of my freshmen from last year were washing my feet. They are my little babies! Anyways...after a time of eating pizza, watching arm wrestling, talking, crying, and praying, the night was over. The last one.

I had my last Elliv on Saturday. It was VERY good and exceeded my expectations. The Lord has really, really gifted people on this campus. He's just cool like that. Instead of going all-out with costumes like every other year, Hannah, Karl, Em and I decided to go normal instead. This was the first year I didn't have paint on me! After Elliv, we went and saw a movie. It was a chill night, but a good one, for sure.

Then on Sunday I had my last service at Apex. I was NOT looking forward to that. AT ALL. Apex has been what I look forward to every weekend. It's where I go to receive fellowship, refreshment, and to have the truth of the Word spoken into my mind and heart. Rob and Jason have seriously challenged me and pushed me. They have spoken about the hard things that aren't always fun to hear. They don't care if we feel uncomfortable or convicted. They care about the TRUTH of God's Word and the GOSPEL, and that's what matters. After the service, Rob started walking toward me and I lost it before he even gave me a hug. The joy and love of the Lord POUR out of that man. I know he's not perfect, but he runs after Jesus with all his heart and leads humbly. I appreciate him more than I can say and more than he knows.

Yes, I am done teaching, as well. Wow, just typing that sentence brought tears to my eyes. While I'm done with teaching, I'm still at school, acting as an aide to Mrs. Meriweather and observing teachers in other grades. I'm not gonna lie. Sitting back and watching someone else teach the class that has been mine for the last 4 months killed me. I hated it, honestly. I felt like I was doing nothing. My heart is kinda...broken. Actually, not kinda broken. It just is. Yet at the same time, I love seeing Mrs. Meriweather so happy! I can tell that she is so ready to have her class back, especially since she's retiring after this year. With that in mind, I happily give the class back to her! My heart is rather conflicted. I have just grown to love, LOVE my students so deeply. I would do anything for them.


Well, Hannah and I decided we are going to watch an episode of the Cosby Show (yes...I love it and have the first 4 seasons on DVD.) tonight, so I'll continue this another day this week. I have a lot more time on my hands now ;)

The Sprint to the Finish

I suppose I am officially an unfaithful blogger. I was doing pretty well for a while, but after spring break, all went downhill! Well, here I am now. Let me fill you in on what's happened since my birthday, which seems like quite a long time ago now!


At school, we did our Cowboy Unit the week and a half before spring break. It was so fun! I had been looking forward to that for a while. We read stories about cowboys, learned about what their job was, what they ate, what they wore, where they lived, etc. Then on the Friday before spring break, second grade had a Cowboy DAY. We all dressed up like cowboys and got to have a cowboy lunch, complete with hot dogs, baked beans, chips, fruit & veggies, and trail mix. It was so fun and the kiddos looked really cute. Another fun thing about that day was that Hannah got to come in and visit our class! When she walked in, the kids just stared and one finally said, "WOW. She IS tall!" They loved having her there, and so did I! We helped serve lunch, hung out with the kiddos, Hannah read a story to them, and I gave them a time to ask her anything they wanted. On top of our cowboy day, they kiddos had their good behavior reward party we have at the end of each month. This month, the reward was dancing with the Wii. It was SO FUN. Han and I got to dance with all the kids and be goofy. Needless to say, not a whole lot of teaching went on that day. We took our spelling test and completed our Cowboy Fact Book; I tried my best to be productive! I learned over and over again that days rarely go like you plan them out. Such is the life of a teacher, I suppose ;)


THEN, FINALLY, SPRING BREAK. Whenever teachers told us that they needed the breaks more than students, I laughed to myself and never really got why they said that. HA! I finally get it. I was looking forward to break so very much. On Friday after school, Han and I went to Applebee's and had a date. Then I left early Saturday morning to meet Mom, Aunt Holly and Bam in Ft. Wayne to look for dresses for different occasions. My main goal was to find a dress for JS, which I did. Sunday I went to church. When I go to my church at home, it's like taking a big gulp of water after getting back from a run. I always feel refreshed, encouraged, and rejuvenated. I can't explain how much I love it. It's family. It's where I heard the Truth (with a capital T). Over the next couple days, I got to hang out and do a whole lot of nothing, except for hanging out with Emily, Lexi and my family! On Thursday, we left for Indy. I gave my resume' to 3 public schools down there and shopped with Mama. For dinner we met the whole Bigler bunch (including Lauren, Nick's FIANCE'). This, of course, means that I got to see Millie. Also at dinner, Lauren asked Brinnie and I to be bridesmaids. Um...YES. :) It was so sweet and I absolutely cannot wait for Lauren to be a Bigler. Nick has been blessed with a wonderful woman to spend the rest of his life with! She's pretty blessed, too ;). Oh, and yes, Millie will be their flower girl!

Friday night we spent just hanging out. Nick was home for Easter, and the four of us played Sequence (one of my favorite games). Saturday the boys golfed, Mom ran errands, and I worked out and baked at home. Saturday night, I went to Jason and Jake's new house and watched March Madness with a bunch of teenagers. It was really fun!

Sunday was Easter. Oh, how I love Easter! My Savior is so powerful. DEFEAT SIN? Check. CONQUER HELL AND DEATH? Check. MAKE A WAY FOR THOSE WHO BELIEVE TO BE SAVED? Check. My mind can't comprehend. My heart is overwhelmed by those truths. WHAT A SAVIOR.

After church, we did our usual Bigler Easter Lunch at Bent Oak. Even Grandma and Grandpa came (Grandma has dementia/Alzheimer's, and Grandpa has Parkinson's and is really struggling physically)! Then we took off for Markle (my sister-in-law's hometown near Ft. Wayne). We had an Easter egg hunt with Millie and everyone and had probably the best carrot cake I've ever had, thanks for Brin's mom! Then it was time to come back to school :/ I'm so close to being done...it was hard to come back.

I literally have 20 days until I graduate. 20 PEOPLE! I only have 2 more weeks of teaching. The last week, I'm observing other teachers, sitting in on IEP meetings, and acting more as an aide. Holy Toledo, my college days are almost over. I feel so many different things. Mostly excitement is what I'm feeling now, though. I'm ready for a new phase. I'm ready to have a real teaching job. I'm ready to be ROOTED somewhere. The college life is sort of nomadic. I can't wait to be involved and committed to a church, to settle down somewhere, and start my new phase. Yet at the same time, leaving Cedarville means saying bye to my precious second graders, Mrs. Meriweather, Mrs. Carter, my professors, Mrs. Clark (my mentor here at CU), HANNAH, KARLEE, LAURA, EMILY, ALANNA, etc. Yikes. I may be excited now, but come 3 weeks, I'm going to be an emotional wreck.


What does my future hold? "What are your plans for after graduation?" I've been getting that one a lot. My answer? I have no idea. However, I am not panicked. I'm not really even nervous. The Lord has NEVER given me to doubt or not trust Him. He always provides! His ways are perfect! Why should I be afraid? Therefore, I'm not. Now, I haven't always been able to say that over the past couple years. The Lord has graciously gotten me to this point. I couldn't have done that on my own. He's so good :)


I DO know that JS is tonight. If there's one thing I love, it's getting dressed up and going out with my friends :D. I love gettin' dolled up and spending fun time with my friends. It should be a great time!

I promise to do a better job of posting during my last few weeks--my sprint to the finish.

Chapter 22

This past Thursday I completed another year of my life. What a thing to say! The other day, I tried to go back through and think of what even happened during my 21st year. I can hardly remember! So much went on. Here's a fast breakdown of my year:

March: Last year, my birthday was during field experience, so my best friends woke up early and made me breakfast before I left for school! They're the best. Then, that night, Mom and Dad totally surprised me and took me out to ice cream. I experienced what Kindergarten was like, and grew a lot closer to Allison Gromacki and Mariah Curtis during that field experience.

April: I continued to grow closer to my fellow RA's in Printy, Angie, and my girls that I was in charge of. Things with them became a lot easier to balance and was more natural. This was the month that I taught at Cherry Hill. I was with Mrs. Carter instead of Mrs. Meriweather. This was when I fell in love with teaching all over again, and also in love with second grade! It was such an amazing field experience. I cried the whole way home after my last day. I knew I wanted to go back for student teaching. Little did I know.... Then Easter came, and Hannah and I went back to Elkhart. We went up to St. Joe for pizza and Kilwin's (MY FAVORITE) and then went to Markle with Brinnan's family for an Easter egg hunt! It was so fun to see Millie have fun. April also was the last month of the school year, which meant that ELLIV happened, which was super fun. Caroline, Han, Maddie and I dressed up like trophies (thinking we would be the only people that would...we were wrong.). Then we got to finish finals, pack up, and .....stay for May Term.

May: I started May Term to get my 4/5 Endorsement. That time was FULL of classes from early in the morning until late in that afternoon. I got to live with Morgan, Lizz, and April. We had so much fun and spending time with them made the work a whole lot more bearable! During this time, I also got to have a week of FE in a 5th grade class, had a tornado touch down about 2 miles away from me, run a Color Run with Nick, and learn a whole lot about pre-teens. It was definitely worth it!

June: I started being a nanny for the Bontragers and got to spend a lot of time with people from home! Summer had officially begun for me. I nannied during the week, and was able to do a Beth Moore study with women from my church, including my mom. It was one of the best studies I've ever done! I enjoyed getting to know women who were older than I am and learn from them. Spring Lake was also on the agenda for June, and that is always one of my favorite things about the summertime. I got to go to Bethany Beach with Em and Lex, and got some sun on my skin! Next up was MIDDLE SCHOOL CAMP. One of my absolute favorite things EVER. Kayla Cassaletto was my co-counselor, and I was so encouraged and challenged by her.

July: Up to the Lake we went again, except this time our whole family went...including Miss Millie!!! It was fun at first, but then our trip was cut short after Millie literally got our whole family sick. She gave over 10 people a stomach bug. Haha looking back, it's funny, but at the time, I felt like I got hit by a truck! Kathleen also had her bridal shower around this time, which was such a sweet time of celebrating a wonderful childhood friend. I couldn't wait until she became Mrs. Parker!! Lexi and I got to go to a Jake Owen concert in Valpo, which was a fun time! We got to see Scott Erwin again, because that's where he lives, which was a nice surprise! Lex and I also got to go to the beach with our mamas, which is always a good time, and has kinda become a summer tradition. On July 29th, Millie turned 1 year old. How time FLIES. Her birthday party was one of the best days I've ever had. Watching her eat her cake, open presents, and laugh until I thought she would burst brought my heart so much joy I didn't think I could handle it.

August: Back to school I went! My senior year. It was so great to see Hannah, Karlee, Emily, Laur, and all my other friends. Methods II!! My last semester of classes before student teaching. I thought this semester would never come. Classes were busy and crazy. At the end of August, Kathleen and Devon got married!! That was one of the best weddings I've ever gone to, and I was honored to be a bridesmaid. I'll never forget that day.

September: Watching Hannah play volleyball, rollerblading, and homework filled up my time. My group of friends made our yearly trip to Indiana for our weekend at the lake with Scott, thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Erwin. I had so much fun on the boat (even though I got so sick one of the days, I thought I would get sick in front of all my friends...thankfully it all stayed in me :/). Mom and Dad came to visit me. We did our usual: outlet mall, Clifton Mill, racquetball with dad, Chipotle, and this time we got to watch Hannah play volleyball and visit the sunflower field!

October: Homecoming 2015 brought Brett, Brinnie and Millie to campus for a fun weekend. It was great having them here! Plus, I got to show off Millie to all my friends :D Hannah was still full-swing with volleyball, and we didn't get to see much of each other. I got to go to Indy and home for fall break and saw some friends and family.

November: I started my 3rd grade FE at Greenefield Elementary school, which proved to be one of my favorite experiences ever. I grew to become friends with and love my teacher, Miss Groves. That was a lovely blessing that doesn't always happen. I had great kiddos and learned a LOT. Hannah and the volleyball team won the G-MAC tourney and finished their season. I went home for Thanksgiving break and met Miss Lauren Birdsall, who has 100% stolen Nick's heart :). We ran in the Turkey Trot 5k, had lots of food, and got to know each other. I love Thanksgiving! So much fun with family.

December: The semester ended. I got to go home for break, work up at Snow Camp, got sick and passed out, which resulted in a nice gash and scar on my face, and brought the New Year in with....no one :) I was sick and stayed home by my lonesome! (Lammmeeeeeee.) ;)

January: STUDENT TEACHING. HOLY MOLY. It finally had come. Mrs. Meriweather and I instantly clicked. My kids stole my heart right away. I began learning and growing so much. In my personal life, all of a sudden I was on cloud nine. I spent my weekdays waiting for the weekends. My heart was so full of excitement and joy.

February: Student teaching continued. I fell more and more in love with my kids and became friends with the teachers around me. Valentine's came and went, but it was time well-spent and cherished. Then, as quickly as cloud nine had come, it was gone. I learned a lot this month about who GOD IS, and that growing up and making decisions is really hard sometimes. I learned that God is anchor of my soul and that He is good, no matter what. Even heartbreak is used for His glory.


My birthday this year started off with texts from friends and family. A breakfast surprise from Hannah. My kiddos showered me with "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISS BIGLER!"'s and hugs. I received gifts from Mrs. Meriweather and Mrs. Carter. I got cards from my kiddos that made me cry. Mrs. M. and I went out for dinner. Then when I got back, I had a tap on my window that come from my PARENTS who had surprised me again this year. What a day it was. Then Friday Emily, Karl, Han, and Laur took me line dancing! For those of you who know me, you know I LOVE country music...and I like to dance :) I had so much fun and I want to go back ASAP.

And here I am now. A whole year later. A whole year older. I'm about to graduate. I'm about to enter into another chapter. My relationship with Hannah has deepened so much this semester I could just sit and weep by how thankful I am for her friendship. I'm thankful that Karlee, Emily, and Laura and I have all gotten closer, too. My friends here at Cedarville may not be big in number, but they are deep-rooted.

This has been a year of highs and lows. But really, what year isn't? As I've said on here over and over, God has taught me so much about His grace. Oh, how I have fallen deeper in love with Him this year. His love is FIERCE, UNRELENTING, CONSTANT, PRECIOUS, and STEADFAST. Oh, that I may be more like HIM. He never gave up on me this year, and I am comforted by the fact that He never, ever will. Even though growing up is hard, it's exciting at the same time. Through my hardships, weaknesses, and shortcomings, I have seen the Lord so very clearly. If I have to go through times like that to see Him evidently, become more like Him, and experience His grace, then it is SO WORTH IT. Bring on the trials. Make me more like You, O Lord!

What will Chapter 22 hold? I'm not quite sure. I am sure, however, that the God of Israel and of my heart will go before me. He will lead me. He will provide for me. He won't leave me. In Chapter 22, by His grace, I hope to look more like Jesus Christ.

Here's to 22!

A Heart Like His

Another post already? Isn't it funny how time can seem to go so quickly, but slowly at the same time? I have never been able to wrap my mind around that phenomena, and probably never will. That's okay, though. 

Last week was Cedarville's spring break. I lived with Morgan in apartments right off campus so that I would have a kitchen, first of all, and so that I wouldn't have to stay by myself! It was very nice to be there. My kiddos and I finished our double-digit addition stuff, completed Dr. Seuss week, and hopefully had our last snow day of the year. Like I've said before, my class as a whole is a tad bit lower academically. However, I'm realizing that for many of them, it may not be that they are low, but that they are not diligent. It's coming out the longer I'm there. Concepts, such as capitalizing proper nouns, that they get right when we are specifically working on them, seem to get CHUCKED out the window when we are doing writing in any other subject. They don't carry skills over that they have learned. They "forget" things that I have taught them over and over again, but also things that Mrs. Meriweather has been doing with them since the beginning of the year! Many of them are so distracted and get so behind on work we do in class. This morning, I put two papers, that were both almost a week late, by the way, on a little boy's desk. Do you know what he did with them? Shoved them right in his desk. 

Can you tell I'm a little frustrated?

However...I am constantly reminded to be gracious with my beloved kiddos. That same boy is going through one of the worst home situations in the class. I can't give information publicly, of course, but let's just say, he might as well be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He's dealing with things a second grader should never have to deal with. How can I get frustrated with a kid who is in his situation? Would I be able to concentrate if I were in his shoes? ....probably not. 

Again, the Lord reminds me that my students are SO much more than just...well, students. They are little people. They have little souls that are SO in need of Him. Sometimes it kills me that I cannot just sit and introduce them to Jesus openly...that I can't tell them about the One Who formed them before they were born, loves them more than anything in the world, and can save them from the sin, death, and hurt of this world. I am so thankful for the love and understanding that God is giving me for my kids. Without Him, I would have flipped my lid a long time ago. Oh, how He is so gracious to me, and that allows me to be more gracious with the kiddos. He is good. 

(If you're a Christian teacher in a public school and have been in this position, and have some advice for me, I would LOVE to glean from your wisdom! Please enlighten me!)

Here's what's REALLY going on in my heart, though. Underneath the teacher facade is a sinner saved by grace who is learning what this life is all about...

You know what I also cannot wrap my mind around? That God's love and affections for me are not contingent upon my thoughts, actions, words, etc. I simply CAN'T. It has been a constant topic and concept that my mind has been drifting back to over and over this semester. What I do does not affect how I stand before Him. When my heavenly Father looks at me, He sees the blood of Jesus Christ. AND THANK GOODNESS! Because you know what He would see if He saw me? Saw Ali? Saw Alison Jane Bigler apart from Christ? He would see a broken, messed up, selfish, distracted, insecure little girl who is so undeserving of ALL that He is. All of His righteousness. All of His fullness. All of His steadfast love. He would see a girl who so many times chooses herself over Him. 

As I sit here, tears streaming down my cheeks, I wonder how I could ever choose myself after reflecting on Who He is, what He has done, and how He sees me. That's just the problem, though: During my day, I get so caught up in myself, my schedule, my students, my issues, etc. that I forget to stop and reflect on Him. How can I forget the One who sustains me? The One who knit me together in my mother's womb? The One who gives me my very breath and being? HOW?!

I heard a song on the radio today that really sums up what's in my heart: 

Burn bright in my life
Burn away the things I hold tight
Give me eyes to see
Your kingdom the way You want it to be
What can be worth more than You?
What do I have I wouldn't lose
If it means You and I look more alike?
That's what I choose

I'd give up the world to find my soul
Pour out my life, give You control
I just want to be what You want me to be
I just want a heart that's true
A heart like You (a heart like You)
I just want a heart like You (a heart like You)

As Your ways take shape
All my guilt and shame start to fade
And Your love takes their place
I become a well of Your grace, Your grace

I'd give up the world to find my soul
Pour out my life, give You control
I just want to be what You want me to be
I just want a heart that's true
A heart like You (a heart like You)
I just want a heart like You (a heart like You)

I don't mind the price it costs
I will count all I have as loss
When this fades away, what's true remains
What can be worth more than You?
What do I have I wouldn't lose?

I'd give up the world to find my soul
Pour out my life, give You control
I just want to be what You want me to be
I just want a heart that's true
A heart like You (a heart like You)


Oh, how I long for every single word of this song to be true of me all the time! How I long for the war between my sinful flesh and the Spirit living inside of me to be over. Until, then, though, may I be growing EVER more like Him.


Because really, what could be worth more than Him?

Overwhelmed

Over this past week, things have been all over the place. Like...seriously. Emotionally, mentally, you name it. I finally got to go back to school this week, but then we had ANOTHER delay on Tuesday. Then on Thursday and Friday we had some weird things thrown into our schedule. I thought to myself a few times, "Am I EVER going to get to teach these kids?!" Flexibility is one of the most important things I'm learning. I can't control the weather or the schedule, but I CAN control how I handle things in light of those things. I also experienced my first round of parent-teacher conferences on Thursday, as well. I was pretty nervous about them, but they all went really well. It's pretty fun to see and meet the parents of my kiddos. I learned a lot through all that! On TOP of that, I'm halfway through my full-time teaching, and I graduate in 2 MONTHS from this weekend. (insert happy dance here.)

Cedarville's spring break started on Friday, so all of my friends left. BUT, that made me feel better about going home! I got to come home and go to my cousin Tyler's engagement party. It was so nice to see family I don't get to see very often. Plus, Nick and Lauren came! I always love when I get to see them...especially Lauren. Or as Millie calls her, "Lo-Lo." I rode home with them from Michigan, and had some really good conversations with Nick. I have been blessed with two awesome older brothers that love me a LOT.

Aside from school and such, I have been absolutely overwhelmed this week by two things:

1. God's grace in my life (how could I go a day without being overwhelmed by it, though?!) and His counsel! Growing up is hard. But I'm sure most of you already know that. It's full of chaos, changes, and decisions! He is so constant, and loves to guide His children when they seek Him.

2. How thankful I am for the people that God has put in my life to LOVE ON and counsel me...especially my pastor and his wife from Elkhart. I cannot express how grateful I am for people's texts, hugs, prayers, advice, concern, encouragement, ETC. Praise God for the body of Christ and using others to show us His love!

God gives us so many things we are so undeserving of...especially me! Not only does He give me things, people, and grace, but He is gracious enough to use hard things in my life to bless and teach me. He DOESN'T HAVE TO. He CHOOSES to. My mind cannot even comprehend it! He still loves me on the days I fail Him. He loves me even when I don't like my own self. He loves me when I'm...well, unlovely, which occurs more often than I'd like to admit. He shapes and molds me through the tough days. That fact alone makes me thankful for the harder times. Becoming more like Him and less like me sounds like a pretty good deal to me. Romans 11:33-36 sums up what is in my heart right now:

 Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!

“For who has known the mind of the Lord,
    or who has been his counselor?”

“Or who has given a gift to him
    that he might be repaid?”

 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.

Luke 12:22-34

And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his[e] kingdom,and these things will be added to you.

 Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

This has to be one of my all-time favorite passages of Scripture. It's such a perfect picture of how our Father, Shepherd, and Creator loves on those who are His. My heart is DESPERATE for His comfort and peace. I cherish and treasure these words of my Savior spoken so long ago. They give me hope in the midst of hurt and loneliness. I can hold on to His promises always. They are always true.

I Am Not Alone

Sorry I haven't posted in a while...Last week I had Monday off for President's Day, then I had the WHOLE week off because of the cold and snow. So...I don't have any teaching stories or updates. I was able to have a nice little visit back in Elkhart last weekend. Then this week I caught up on some things, had an interview for a school in Columbus, and just kinda hung out. It was nice, but it's just been a long week/weekend. A good thing is since school was closed, I got to take a spontaneous trip to Indy. I spent some much-needed time with my family..including Millie. It's cool how the Lord provides just what we need, right when we need it. Lauren snapped this one of Mill and I at a basketball game last night. She's medicine for my soul. 

You know, the Lord is always good...always. However...He is also mysterious. Even though He's always good and trustworthy, that doesn't mean I understand Him. I could use some prayer this week. Between missing so much school and being weighed down by life, I don't feel very mentally prepared to teach this week. I guess it's good preparation for the future. 

"Hear my cry, O God,

    listen to my prayer;

2 

from the end of the earth I call to you

    when my heart is faint.

Lead me to the rock

    that is higher than I.."

Psalm 61:1-2