One of my favorite things to do is write my prayers down into a journal. I've been doing this since middle school. It started off as just keeping a diary, but somewhere in there, it turned into talking to the Lord in the midst of my writing. What I love even more than writing these prayers down and talking to Jesus (Which I mean, come on, getting to talk to the King of the Universe whenever I want? It's a huge deal. Don't ever let yourself get over that), is READING the prayers from the past. I have a few journals from college that I'll go back to every now and then and read. When these journals are read, when the tear-stained pages are opened back up, I see the Lord's FAITHFULNESS. Oh, it does something to my heart like nothing else does. Writing things down helps me to remember what was going on at that time, and I can see how the Lord has worked since then.
I tell you this because it's what I was doing this morning. After I got finished with praying today, I decided to look back on this time last year. And I wish I could tell you that I'm miles ahead of where I was last year and not struggling with the same stuff...but you know what I found? I wrote about the same things last July that I wrote about this morning. At first I thought, "Psh, wow, Ali. Way to go. You haven't grown at all." But the more I thought about it, and the more I flipped through the pages in between July 2015 and July 2016, I realized something: Even though I may have the same struggles as I did before, HE REMAINS FAITHFUL. I have made progress through His Spirit. The Lord does not "give up" on those who truly know Him. He is a God of second chances...more chances than any of us deserve. He doesn't say,"Well, you've been struggling with this sin or this issue for about a year now...so, I don't know how to help you any more." God is SO different than humans are. His patience abounds. He deals so graciously with a people who are very undeserving. (If you think you deserve God's patience, love, and grace, think again.) So I continued reading in my journal I've had since April of 2015. Memories, good and bad, began to flood my head--graduating from Cedarville, personal victories, personal failures, loved ones getting cancer, saying goodbyes, meeting new people, getting a job, vacations, situations with boys, my brother getting married, my second niece being born, hardships for my dad with work, Amanda Blackburn passing away, Hannah getting married, finishing my first year of teaching, ETC. Is it not crazy how your life changes? Sometimes it's quickly, and sometimes it's a slow-moving progression. Amidst the prayers I pray, I also write down Scripture that means a lot to me or quotes that stick out. I came across a page from September 9th, 2015. On it I had written out Ecclesiastes 3:1-15. I began to read the words and just started crying. My heart was overwhelmed with the Lord's goodness and His sovereignty. Here is what it says,
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man.
I perceived that whatever God does ENDURES forever; NOTHING can be added to it, nor ANYTHING taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him. That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away."
I don't know what it was about this passage, but I couldn't help the tears. It comforted my soul beyond belief, especially with everything that's been going on in the world the past few weeks (Am I right??). Things are getting crazy, people. The outcomes are unsure. Some are turning to violence. Some are putting their hope in a candidate. Some are losing hope altogether. Oh, friends, do not lose hope!! Scripture tells us that all these things are going to happen. It tells us that life is not easy. But it also offers us HOPE and PEACE in Jesus Christ. If you have accepted Christ and made Him the Lord of your life, you have access to this hope and peace 24/7! He is your strength and your confidence!! You can trust Him. You can trust that "whatever God does endures forever." We don't have to live this life in fear and insecurity. Our father is SO GOOD, even if our definition of "good" is different than His. He knows undoubtedly what is best.
And if you don't know Him and are reading this today, will you please think about everything I'm saying? And by "know Him," I don't just mean knowing ABOUT Jesus. I mean having a relationship with Him, living in accordance with His Word, and seeking His face with ALL your heart. Will you evaluate your life and what your hope is placed in? My greatest desire, and our heavenly Father's, too, is that you come to know Him.
I feel like this post is a little all over the place, and for that, I apologize. I just was overtaken by the feeling that I needed to share. Over the past couple weeks, there have been multiple times that I have started writing, and it just doesn't come. I couldn't think of anything worthwhile. I hope you find this worthwhile. I hope that in the midst of everything you are going through, whether it's good or bad, in want or content, in pain or in happiness, that you look to Christ to be your hope; that you find your confidence in HIM, and can look at the things going on and take comfort in His name. He is our SHIELD. He is our STRENGTH. He is our COMFORT. He is TRUTH.
Monday, July 18, 2016
Sunday, May 15, 2016
A Word for the Weary
I just started a new Bible study. I lead a study with teenage girls in my youth group at church, and have been on a hunt for the right study for the past couple months. Through a series of people and events, I came across the book Looking for Lovely by Annie Downs. So far, I have REALLY enjoyed it. As the study has started off, she has talked a lot about trials and how life is not easy. Annie talks about finding peace in the midst of rocky situations and chaotic trials. "Perseverance develops character, and character produces hope..." (Romans 5:4).
I'm currently up in Spring Lake, Michigan spending the weekend with my mom's side of family. We are up here in honor of my cousin, Tyler, who is being deployed in June to serve our country for 9 months. It has been so much fun to see everyone, exchange hilarious stories, play games, catch up on what's been going on in each other's lives, and be entertained by my two nieces, Millie and Nora. In the midst of the busy weekend, I found a little pocket of time for myself to go on a run. It was a CHILLY, yet beautiful, run. I felt the sun on my face. I saw the vibrant colors of the flowers. I heard the birds chirping and the sound of the wind in the trees. When you're out in the world that God made, it's awesome how the things and worries of life just kinda...go away. All the assessments that I still have to do with my kiddos can wait. All of the things that make my heart heavy seem to be lifted. I started praying. I started thinking. Do you know where my mind went to?
Politics.
This is interesting, because, although I am informed and I really actually do care, I don't share my opinions often and I don't talk about it too much. I don't talk about it much because it gets people so worked up sometimes, and maybe partially because it makes me sad. But, I mean, it's everywhere! Even my kindergarteners brought it up the other day! One of my kiddos asked, "Miss Bigler? Why does *insert one of the candidates' names here* lie?" I keep thinking about all the changes that are being made, and about the election coming up. To be honest, I'm not happy about it. I'm concerned about the direction that our country is heading. I worry about what the world is going to be like when Millie and Nora (my two little nieces) grow up. I worry about what things will be like when, Lord-willing, I'm a wife and mommy someday. I worry about the legislation that is going to be affecting the education world in the future. I worry about the economy. I worry about the potential persecution of Christians and our values. All of a sudden three things occurred to me:
1. I used the word "worry" an awful lot in those thoughts.
2. I used the word "I" and awful lots in those thoughts, as well.
3. My hope feels like it's getting..lost.
As I'm running in the sunlight and taking in the beauty of creation, my heart is convicted. "Alison, weren't you JUST thanking Jesus for all the beauty you're seeing?! How did your mind so quickly go from that to this?!" All the times that Jesus promises that HE will win start flooding my mind. My heart feels guilty about getting worried and subconsciously getting sucked into putting my hope in a person instead of Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). The words of Jesus that He spoke to His disciples before He was killed on the cross washed over my heart (John 16:33)--
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
I realized that this verse applies to so much more than politics. Brothers and sisters, our hope is not in a president, spouse, friend, parent, child, job, number on the scale, retirement, status, etc. It is solely found in the person and strength of Jesus Christ. If we look for it in anything else besides Him, we will be sorely disappointed. We will be unsatisfied. Oh, we may be temporarily filled or distracted, but nothing else lasts. We were made for Him--to serve, love, glorify, and have a REAL relationship with Him. I'm talking about a relationship that's more than just praying every now and then and going to church sometimes. I'm talking about a relationship in which we make Him our LORD & SAVIOR, and live in obedience to Him, reading His Word and seeking His face. Satan would love nothing more than to get Christ-followers to the point where all hope seems lost and we give up. Paul tells us not to "grow weary in doing good (Galatians 6:9-10). Why do Jesus and Paul tell us not to lose heart and grow weary? Because they knew and understood that life is HARD! Even for the Christian. Jesus was lowly in earthly status, betrayed, spit on, beaten, publicly attacked, accused, and crucified. Paul had an ugly past before giving his life to Christ, was shipwrecked, beaten, imprisoned, bitten by a snake, and dealt with some sinful situations in different churches. Call me crazy, but none of those things sound very easy or cushy to me. They got it. Things weren't perfect for them. Things aren't perfect for us. Jesus told us this would happen. We are told that things are going to start getting hard as time goes on.
My thoughts continued. I don't think that Jesus calls us to dwell on being angry, worried, bitter, or disheartened by any of the things in our lives that are tough. Now, I'm not saying that it's wrong to feel those things or be concerned. We can't help the thoughts that come into our heads or the feelings that are in our hearts. However, I do believe that the Bible teaches us to TRUST Him. I believe that He calls us to be steadfast and joyful in the midst of our circumstances. After all, do you really think that people are going to be attracted to people who are complaining, being negative, and worrying all the time? I don't. I think people are attracted to those who are peaceful, confident, and joyful. Those who can be vulnerable and honest about where they're at, but who can also say, "My hope is in the King. Therefore, I will not be shaken." The Lord calls us to honor and glorify Him in all our decisions and how we react.
He's WITH us.
He's FOR us.
He is a promise-keeper.
He is FAITHFUL.
He's IN CONTROL.
And no matter what happens on this side of eternity, He WINS. He's victorious. He's conquered it all.
Fear doesn't have to have a grip on us. Insecurity doesn't have to paralyze us. Give it to Him.
So today, I'm thanking Jesus for the lovely things: His creation, my family's laughter, my nieces smiling, the ability to run and be active, the coming of summer, salvation, His character, an awesome weekend at the lake, and for His PEACE. His peace.
Life is lovely, we just need to look for it, and trust the One who created it.
I'm currently up in Spring Lake, Michigan spending the weekend with my mom's side of family. We are up here in honor of my cousin, Tyler, who is being deployed in June to serve our country for 9 months. It has been so much fun to see everyone, exchange hilarious stories, play games, catch up on what's been going on in each other's lives, and be entertained by my two nieces, Millie and Nora. In the midst of the busy weekend, I found a little pocket of time for myself to go on a run. It was a CHILLY, yet beautiful, run. I felt the sun on my face. I saw the vibrant colors of the flowers. I heard the birds chirping and the sound of the wind in the trees. When you're out in the world that God made, it's awesome how the things and worries of life just kinda...go away. All the assessments that I still have to do with my kiddos can wait. All of the things that make my heart heavy seem to be lifted. I started praying. I started thinking. Do you know where my mind went to?
Politics.
This is interesting, because, although I am informed and I really actually do care, I don't share my opinions often and I don't talk about it too much. I don't talk about it much because it gets people so worked up sometimes, and maybe partially because it makes me sad. But, I mean, it's everywhere! Even my kindergarteners brought it up the other day! One of my kiddos asked, "Miss Bigler? Why does *insert one of the candidates' names here* lie?" I keep thinking about all the changes that are being made, and about the election coming up. To be honest, I'm not happy about it. I'm concerned about the direction that our country is heading. I worry about what the world is going to be like when Millie and Nora (my two little nieces) grow up. I worry about what things will be like when, Lord-willing, I'm a wife and mommy someday. I worry about the legislation that is going to be affecting the education world in the future. I worry about the economy. I worry about the potential persecution of Christians and our values. All of a sudden three things occurred to me:
1. I used the word "worry" an awful lot in those thoughts.
2. I used the word "I" and awful lots in those thoughts, as well.
3. My hope feels like it's getting..lost.
As I'm running in the sunlight and taking in the beauty of creation, my heart is convicted. "Alison, weren't you JUST thanking Jesus for all the beauty you're seeing?! How did your mind so quickly go from that to this?!" All the times that Jesus promises that HE will win start flooding my mind. My heart feels guilty about getting worried and subconsciously getting sucked into putting my hope in a person instead of Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). The words of Jesus that He spoke to His disciples before He was killed on the cross washed over my heart (John 16:33)--
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
I realized that this verse applies to so much more than politics. Brothers and sisters, our hope is not in a president, spouse, friend, parent, child, job, number on the scale, retirement, status, etc. It is solely found in the person and strength of Jesus Christ. If we look for it in anything else besides Him, we will be sorely disappointed. We will be unsatisfied. Oh, we may be temporarily filled or distracted, but nothing else lasts. We were made for Him--to serve, love, glorify, and have a REAL relationship with Him. I'm talking about a relationship that's more than just praying every now and then and going to church sometimes. I'm talking about a relationship in which we make Him our LORD & SAVIOR, and live in obedience to Him, reading His Word and seeking His face. Satan would love nothing more than to get Christ-followers to the point where all hope seems lost and we give up. Paul tells us not to "grow weary in doing good (Galatians 6:9-10). Why do Jesus and Paul tell us not to lose heart and grow weary? Because they knew and understood that life is HARD! Even for the Christian. Jesus was lowly in earthly status, betrayed, spit on, beaten, publicly attacked, accused, and crucified. Paul had an ugly past before giving his life to Christ, was shipwrecked, beaten, imprisoned, bitten by a snake, and dealt with some sinful situations in different churches. Call me crazy, but none of those things sound very easy or cushy to me. They got it. Things weren't perfect for them. Things aren't perfect for us. Jesus told us this would happen. We are told that things are going to start getting hard as time goes on.
My thoughts continued. I don't think that Jesus calls us to dwell on being angry, worried, bitter, or disheartened by any of the things in our lives that are tough. Now, I'm not saying that it's wrong to feel those things or be concerned. We can't help the thoughts that come into our heads or the feelings that are in our hearts. However, I do believe that the Bible teaches us to TRUST Him. I believe that He calls us to be steadfast and joyful in the midst of our circumstances. After all, do you really think that people are going to be attracted to people who are complaining, being negative, and worrying all the time? I don't. I think people are attracted to those who are peaceful, confident, and joyful. Those who can be vulnerable and honest about where they're at, but who can also say, "My hope is in the King. Therefore, I will not be shaken." The Lord calls us to honor and glorify Him in all our decisions and how we react.
He's WITH us.
He's FOR us.
He is a promise-keeper.
He is FAITHFUL.
He's IN CONTROL.
And no matter what happens on this side of eternity, He WINS. He's victorious. He's conquered it all.
Fear doesn't have to have a grip on us. Insecurity doesn't have to paralyze us. Give it to Him.
So today, I'm thanking Jesus for the lovely things: His creation, my family's laughter, my nieces smiling, the ability to run and be active, the coming of summer, salvation, His character, an awesome weekend at the lake, and for His PEACE. His peace.
Life is lovely, we just need to look for it, and trust the One who created it.
Friday, January 1, 2016
A New Year
Oh, 2015. I can honestly say this has been the year full of the most change out of my 22 (almost 23!) years. Here's the breakdown...in somewhat of a chronological order. I:
1. did my student teaching and had one of the best times of my life.
2. experienced true heartbreak.
3. almost took a teaching position in Ohio.
4. graduated from Cedarville.
5. said goodbye to some of the greatest friends I've ever had, including my sweet roommate.
6. went through a period of worry and confusion as I looked for jobs in Indianapolis, but didn't find any, so I started applying around home.
7. had 2 job interviews within a week, and ended up with 2 different offers. I went from having NO leads to feeling overwhelmed with a tough decision!
8. accepted my first teaching job at Orchard View Elementary as a kindergarten teacher, and what an experience it has been!
9. officially decided to live at home with my parents to save money, even though that's not what I had envisioned.
10. was honored to be in my brother Nick's wedding, gaining another sister that I love DEARLY.
11. flew out to Philadelphia to visit my roommate, her fiance', and her fiance's brother, and I had a GREAT time!
12. grieved with my church family as our pastor's daughter, Amanda Grace Blackburn, was killed in her home. It was a very sad time, but the Lord has worked in amazing ways in spite of the evil that took place.
13. welcomed my second niece, Nora, into the world on November 29th. Brin, Millie and Brett were so excited, along with the rest of us. My family got even closer.
14. celebrated with 4 of my close friends who got engaged, and will get married in 2016 (with me standing with 2 of them!). Congratulations Hannah, Lexi, Morgan, and Laura :)
15. saw and heard of countless people come to know Christ through my church and through Revive Indiana.
16. experienced the true sovereignty, GRACE, forgiveness, love, strength, peace, provision, and VICTORY that can only come through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.
I am THANKFUL for every single thing that happened, good and bad. Every single thing that occurred never surprised God (although...I was surprised a lot!). He knew. He blessed me with the good, and redeemed the poor choices I made, and the sad things that happen due to the state of the world in which we live: fallen. I saw different facets of God that I didn't knew existed. I learned things about His character that I had never known before. And you know what? I love Him more than ever. I love how patient He is with me. I love how He knows me better than I know myself. I love that He knows my deepest longings, but also knows what's best for me.
As I started thinking about 2016, I began to make a list of goals in my head. "I want to stop being late to social things." "I want to be the best teacher I can be." "I want to eat better." "I want to have a deeper understanding of God's will." Those things aren't bad. You know, most people's goals or resolutions aren't bad at all! They are usually good. But I started to think, "Who am I doing this for? Who am I trying to better?" Again, I realized again just how self-centered I am (isn't it kinda depressing when you realize that about yourself??). The list keeps changing in my head. Eventually I'll write it down and put it somewhere I can see it. Maybe I'll have to put it in numerous places. I want to matter. I want it to glorify God. I want my heart to change from being too "me-focused" to "God- and "others- focused." My desire is for these words to characterize my heart-- patient, gentle, Christ-like, servant-hearted. I'd like to keep my phone in my purse more. I'd like others to have my undivided the whole time I'm in their presence. I'd like my kiddos to know that I love each of them with my whole heart, and am always doing my very best.
May my communication with my Savior be more plentiful, meaningful, and faithful. May my heart be moldable. May my mind be full of truth. May His truth be ever on my lips. May His Word guard my heart and fill it with peace. May 2016 make me look more like Jesus.
What will your 2016 be?
1. did my student teaching and had one of the best times of my life.
2. experienced true heartbreak.
3. almost took a teaching position in Ohio.
4. graduated from Cedarville.
5. said goodbye to some of the greatest friends I've ever had, including my sweet roommate.
6. went through a period of worry and confusion as I looked for jobs in Indianapolis, but didn't find any, so I started applying around home.
7. had 2 job interviews within a week, and ended up with 2 different offers. I went from having NO leads to feeling overwhelmed with a tough decision!
8. accepted my first teaching job at Orchard View Elementary as a kindergarten teacher, and what an experience it has been!
9. officially decided to live at home with my parents to save money, even though that's not what I had envisioned.
10. was honored to be in my brother Nick's wedding, gaining another sister that I love DEARLY.
11. flew out to Philadelphia to visit my roommate, her fiance', and her fiance's brother, and I had a GREAT time!
12. grieved with my church family as our pastor's daughter, Amanda Grace Blackburn, was killed in her home. It was a very sad time, but the Lord has worked in amazing ways in spite of the evil that took place.
13. welcomed my second niece, Nora, into the world on November 29th. Brin, Millie and Brett were so excited, along with the rest of us. My family got even closer.
14. celebrated with 4 of my close friends who got engaged, and will get married in 2016 (with me standing with 2 of them!). Congratulations Hannah, Lexi, Morgan, and Laura :)
15. saw and heard of countless people come to know Christ through my church and through Revive Indiana.
16. experienced the true sovereignty, GRACE, forgiveness, love, strength, peace, provision, and VICTORY that can only come through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.
I am THANKFUL for every single thing that happened, good and bad. Every single thing that occurred never surprised God (although...I was surprised a lot!). He knew. He blessed me with the good, and redeemed the poor choices I made, and the sad things that happen due to the state of the world in which we live: fallen. I saw different facets of God that I didn't knew existed. I learned things about His character that I had never known before. And you know what? I love Him more than ever. I love how patient He is with me. I love how He knows me better than I know myself. I love that He knows my deepest longings, but also knows what's best for me.
As I started thinking about 2016, I began to make a list of goals in my head. "I want to stop being late to social things." "I want to be the best teacher I can be." "I want to eat better." "I want to have a deeper understanding of God's will." Those things aren't bad. You know, most people's goals or resolutions aren't bad at all! They are usually good. But I started to think, "Who am I doing this for? Who am I trying to better?" Again, I realized again just how self-centered I am (isn't it kinda depressing when you realize that about yourself??). The list keeps changing in my head. Eventually I'll write it down and put it somewhere I can see it. Maybe I'll have to put it in numerous places. I want to matter. I want it to glorify God. I want my heart to change from being too "me-focused" to "God- and "others- focused." My desire is for these words to characterize my heart-- patient, gentle, Christ-like, servant-hearted. I'd like to keep my phone in my purse more. I'd like others to have my undivided the whole time I'm in their presence. I'd like my kiddos to know that I love each of them with my whole heart, and am always doing my very best.
May my communication with my Savior be more plentiful, meaningful, and faithful. May my heart be moldable. May my mind be full of truth. May His truth be ever on my lips. May His Word guard my heart and fill it with peace. May 2016 make me look more like Jesus.
What will your 2016 be?
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
I Want More
Most of my posts on this blog are about teaching and what's going on in my life with the job I have...but this blog is called "Life As I Know It," right? Well, my life isn't centered around being a teacher, although, that's what I do most of the time and it's something I love.
More importantly, my life is centered around Christ.
Lately I've been thinking about the human heart...and my heart, mainly I suppose. That seems a little selfish as I type the words, but it's the one that's inside of me! In the book of Jeremiah it says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Those words have been coming to my mind over and over. While it may sound harsh and you may think, "But I can't help what's in my heart! That's just how I am!," if you really were honest with yourself, it's true. It's true of my heart. Here's what has been going on in the heart and mind of Ali.
I have desires in my heart. I have goals. I work hard for them. I'm a pretty determined and competitive girl. Some of these desires are worldly, temporary or selfish. Others are things that normal, almost-23-year-old girls want. However, when a goal is accomplished or the Lord graciously gives me the desires of my heart, not too much time passes before I'm setting my sights on something else. I wanted to graduate from Cedarville -- Check. I wanted to spend time with the girls in my youth group and build new relationships -- Check. I wanted to get a teaching job -- Check.
"But Ali, those are all good things!"
Yes, they are. But did I want those things for selfish gain, or did I want them to glorify Christ? Will those things truly fulfill the longings inside of my heart?
No. They won't.
While there are amazing things that are worth pursuing in this life that are all gifts from our precious Father, they will not complete our hearts. They will not fill the voids that are there. Even if you don't think you have any...you do! The truth that is resonating in my mind and heart is this:
Jesus Christ is the only person in this whole entire universe that can satisfy my heart.
Can I go a step further and be a little more vulnerable?
My whole life I have struggled with wanting the approval and affirmation of others. I find myself wanting people to think highly of me, to know that I work hard, etc. But...even when I do, my heart is still yearning for something more. That's the thing with worldly pursuits and wanting recognition from others-- it quickly melts away and people move on or forget. Who is the Only One who can truly know and love your heart and you for you? Jesus Christ. When I live my life for other people, I end up feeling empty, disappointed, and like I don't really measure up. But my Savior sees right through my appearance, my actions, and my words--He sees my heart. He sees what makes me motivated. He knows what's best for me. He knows how to fill up my heart in a way that no one and nothing else can. Another thing that's been hard for me to wrestle with lately is (excuse me while I swallow my pride and admit this) yep, you guessed it. Feeling lonely, in the sense of being single. I mean, how long have I been totally okay with being single and trusting that God is going to take care of this? For forever! I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the fact that about 60% of my friends are dating/engaged/got married this summer. And don't get me wrong: my heart is OVERJOYED for them! Seriously! Yet, in the back of my head there's a small voice that says, "Father, I am so happy for my friends...but when will it be my turn?" Is it so wrong to want a guy who loves Jesus with everything inside of him, pursues integrity and purity, makes me laugh, and like sports?! That values the same things as me and is like-minded, even if I'm pretty conservative?? No. But are my sights set more on that than my Father?
Yet here's the truth again: "Alison, my timing is perfect. Your best is my priority. Even if/when you do meet that someone, he will never fill every part of your heart like I can. Your problems will not magically disappeared when you're married. YOUR HEART IS CREATED FOR ME."
When I speak this truth to myself and see His promises in His Word, my perspective is back on track. His promises are enough for me. He wants me to be content and patient right where He has me! Okay, here's a little of my teaching life. I could sit here and laugh out loud at myself! When my kiddos are being impatient, and I have about half of them talking to me at once saying things like, "Miss Bigler, tie my shoes!" "Miss Bigler, you forgot to turn the screen on!" "Miss Bigler, why can't I see the video?!" "Miss Bigler, I look at this!"
Here is what I tell them: "Boys and girls, we need to be patient! Do you know what being patient means? BEING HAPPY TO WAIT and BEING HAPPY WHILE YOU ARE WAITING."
I should take my own advice, right?
I don't want to be the girl that is always waiting for the next thing! I want to be a teacher who focuses on her kiddos today, being the best she can be. I want to be a daughter/sister/aunt who loves her family today and focuses on the time she has now. I want to be a friend who is all there in every conversation, listening and loving like Jesus commands. I want to be a Christian who does what she knows the Lord has called her to be every day: obedient to Him, a servant to others, and a light to a lost world. When I focus on what the Lord has in front of me, He will work everything else out. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Seek Him FIRST, and the rest will follow. Then, in His perfect and sweet timing, I can someday be what He wants me to be. Instead of a heart that yearns for my own desires and only will do for a short time, I want to have a heart that yearns for HIM. I want to have a heart that has a fire for Him.
Oh, here's a song that I have been playing OVER and OVER. Hopefully I don't get sick of it. I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do :)
Again, my heart is so encouraged by the people who tell me they are praying for me/and or see my blog. Sorry this one is a little different, but I can always use the prayer! If you ever have any wise words or advice for me, just text me, e mail me, or message me on Facebook or something like that. I know I have a lot of learning to do on this narrow road, and I'm always receptive to some help.
There's the video :)
More importantly, my life is centered around Christ.
Lately I've been thinking about the human heart...and my heart, mainly I suppose. That seems a little selfish as I type the words, but it's the one that's inside of me! In the book of Jeremiah it says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Those words have been coming to my mind over and over. While it may sound harsh and you may think, "But I can't help what's in my heart! That's just how I am!," if you really were honest with yourself, it's true. It's true of my heart. Here's what has been going on in the heart and mind of Ali.
I have desires in my heart. I have goals. I work hard for them. I'm a pretty determined and competitive girl. Some of these desires are worldly, temporary or selfish. Others are things that normal, almost-23-year-old girls want. However, when a goal is accomplished or the Lord graciously gives me the desires of my heart, not too much time passes before I'm setting my sights on something else. I wanted to graduate from Cedarville -- Check. I wanted to spend time with the girls in my youth group and build new relationships -- Check. I wanted to get a teaching job -- Check.
"But Ali, those are all good things!"
Yes, they are. But did I want those things for selfish gain, or did I want them to glorify Christ? Will those things truly fulfill the longings inside of my heart?
No. They won't.
While there are amazing things that are worth pursuing in this life that are all gifts from our precious Father, they will not complete our hearts. They will not fill the voids that are there. Even if you don't think you have any...you do! The truth that is resonating in my mind and heart is this:
Jesus Christ is the only person in this whole entire universe that can satisfy my heart.
Can I go a step further and be a little more vulnerable?
My whole life I have struggled with wanting the approval and affirmation of others. I find myself wanting people to think highly of me, to know that I work hard, etc. But...even when I do, my heart is still yearning for something more. That's the thing with worldly pursuits and wanting recognition from others-- it quickly melts away and people move on or forget. Who is the Only One who can truly know and love your heart and you for you? Jesus Christ. When I live my life for other people, I end up feeling empty, disappointed, and like I don't really measure up. But my Savior sees right through my appearance, my actions, and my words--He sees my heart. He sees what makes me motivated. He knows what's best for me. He knows how to fill up my heart in a way that no one and nothing else can. Another thing that's been hard for me to wrestle with lately is (excuse me while I swallow my pride and admit this) yep, you guessed it. Feeling lonely, in the sense of being single. I mean, how long have I been totally okay with being single and trusting that God is going to take care of this? For forever! I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the fact that about 60% of my friends are dating/engaged/got married this summer. And don't get me wrong: my heart is OVERJOYED for them! Seriously! Yet, in the back of my head there's a small voice that says, "Father, I am so happy for my friends...but when will it be my turn?" Is it so wrong to want a guy who loves Jesus with everything inside of him, pursues integrity and purity, makes me laugh, and like sports?! That values the same things as me and is like-minded, even if I'm pretty conservative?? No. But are my sights set more on that than my Father?
Yet here's the truth again: "Alison, my timing is perfect. Your best is my priority. Even if/when you do meet that someone, he will never fill every part of your heart like I can. Your problems will not magically disappeared when you're married. YOUR HEART IS CREATED FOR ME."
When I speak this truth to myself and see His promises in His Word, my perspective is back on track. His promises are enough for me. He wants me to be content and patient right where He has me! Okay, here's a little of my teaching life. I could sit here and laugh out loud at myself! When my kiddos are being impatient, and I have about half of them talking to me at once saying things like, "Miss Bigler, tie my shoes!" "Miss Bigler, you forgot to turn the screen on!" "Miss Bigler, why can't I see the video?!" "Miss Bigler, I look at this!"
Here is what I tell them: "Boys and girls, we need to be patient! Do you know what being patient means? BEING HAPPY TO WAIT and BEING HAPPY WHILE YOU ARE WAITING."
I should take my own advice, right?
I don't want to be the girl that is always waiting for the next thing! I want to be a teacher who focuses on her kiddos today, being the best she can be. I want to be a daughter/sister/aunt who loves her family today and focuses on the time she has now. I want to be a friend who is all there in every conversation, listening and loving like Jesus commands. I want to be a Christian who does what she knows the Lord has called her to be every day: obedient to Him, a servant to others, and a light to a lost world. When I focus on what the Lord has in front of me, He will work everything else out. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Seek Him FIRST, and the rest will follow. Then, in His perfect and sweet timing, I can someday be what He wants me to be. Instead of a heart that yearns for my own desires and only will do for a short time, I want to have a heart that yearns for HIM. I want to have a heart that has a fire for Him.
Oh, here's a song that I have been playing OVER and OVER. Hopefully I don't get sick of it. I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do :)
Again, my heart is so encouraged by the people who tell me they are praying for me/and or see my blog. Sorry this one is a little different, but I can always use the prayer! If you ever have any wise words or advice for me, just text me, e mail me, or message me on Facebook or something like that. I know I have a lot of learning to do on this narrow road, and I'm always receptive to some help.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
My New Normal
I have just completed my first full week of teaching. Wahoo! I would consider that an accomplishment! In those two weeks the following has occurred:
1 accident.
1 student threw up on the floor.
1 student with strep throat.
5 kids out with a fever.
COUNTLESS hugs.
I have learned a lot about the mind and behaviors of a kindergartener. When people think about kindergarten, they may think, "What's so hard about that? You play. You sing. You go outside. You eat snacks."
Mmmmm....think again! ;)
Teaching is a whole different world, and you really only understand it once you've done it. It's constant planning. Constant concern for your kiddos and their health. It's trying to figure out how each student thinks, what their strengths are, what they need help with, how they treat others, what motivates them, ETC. It never stops, ya know.
Needless to say, I have been trying to figure out my new normal. This new normal consists of very early mornings, going to bed early, washing my hands all the time, memorizing which kid goes home on what bus/van, and only going to the bathroom about 2 times during the whole school day. This new normal is teaching me that I have to say "no" to some things and/or people (which really hurts my heart sometimes), to prioritize my time wisely, and to have a LOT of patience. 16 little ones who are learning how to be at school can be a little overwhelming, but it is so very worth it. I love when my kiddos come in in the mornings. I love when more and more of them remember what to do for our morning routines. I love when they try so hard to remember which hand goes over their heart during the Pledge of Allegiance. I love how innocent (well, most of the time ;)) they are in their thinking. I love when they laugh while I'm reading to them. I love watching them dance during GoNoodle videos. I love when they get excited when they learn new things. Even in just a week and a half, I have seen growth in many of my kiddos. For instance...
One of my students missed 4/5 days of school last week. When Friday came, he was out, and then two other kiddos went home (It's only the second week of school, people!). I was talking to the class about how we need to remember to be washing our hands, staying healthy, etc., when one of my boys says, "We should make him "Get better" cards! THAT made my heart happy. My kiddos are learning to care about each other. I explained to them that we are all friends, and that we are a kindergarten family that loves and protects each other (Just like Mrs. Clark told us!).
1 accident.
1 student threw up on the floor.
1 student with strep throat.
5 kids out with a fever.
COUNTLESS hugs.
I have learned a lot about the mind and behaviors of a kindergartener. When people think about kindergarten, they may think, "What's so hard about that? You play. You sing. You go outside. You eat snacks."
Mmmmm....think again! ;)
Teaching is a whole different world, and you really only understand it once you've done it. It's constant planning. Constant concern for your kiddos and their health. It's trying to figure out how each student thinks, what their strengths are, what they need help with, how they treat others, what motivates them, ETC. It never stops, ya know.
Needless to say, I have been trying to figure out my new normal. This new normal consists of very early mornings, going to bed early, washing my hands all the time, memorizing which kid goes home on what bus/van, and only going to the bathroom about 2 times during the whole school day. This new normal is teaching me that I have to say "no" to some things and/or people (which really hurts my heart sometimes), to prioritize my time wisely, and to have a LOT of patience. 16 little ones who are learning how to be at school can be a little overwhelming, but it is so very worth it. I love when my kiddos come in in the mornings. I love when more and more of them remember what to do for our morning routines. I love when they try so hard to remember which hand goes over their heart during the Pledge of Allegiance. I love how innocent (well, most of the time ;)) they are in their thinking. I love when they laugh while I'm reading to them. I love watching them dance during GoNoodle videos. I love when they get excited when they learn new things. Even in just a week and a half, I have seen growth in many of my kiddos. For instance...
One of my students missed 4/5 days of school last week. When Friday came, he was out, and then two other kiddos went home (It's only the second week of school, people!). I was talking to the class about how we need to remember to be washing our hands, staying healthy, etc., when one of my boys says, "We should make him "Get better" cards! THAT made my heart happy. My kiddos are learning to care about each other. I explained to them that we are all friends, and that we are a kindergarten family that loves and protects each other (Just like Mrs. Clark told us!).
They turned out pretty well!
Another thing that has been happening is the building of relationships between myself and my co-workers. I think I literally have the BEST staff in the whole wide world. My kindergarten team has welcomed and helped me beyond belief. They have given me resources and advice. I have a wonderful aide that comes in and helps me every morning! I think I'd go crazy without her. My principal has been supportive to all the teachers and has impacted me greatly. He really cares about the well-being of the staff and students. And another thing that I'm thankful for is the group of parents I have in my class! I have had such kind and caring exchanges with them already. So many parents have expressed a desire to volunteer and send in snacks and supplies. They have welcomed me to the school, too, and have made this new normal even better!
Since I need to be going to sleep soon, here's how you can be praying:
1. For my kiddos' health. I have had so many sick, and it's not even cold season yet :/
2. For my own health. I am VERY congested and my head feels a bit like it's going to explode. I am 90% sure I have a sinus infection (which I have gotten my whole life periodically). I'm going to try to get a doctor's appointment tomorrow!
3. That my class continues to get used to being at school.
4. That I would rely on the LORD for strength--not on my own.
5. That I would have good time management and would have energy to be the very best teacher I can be.
Thank you for your prayers and your encouragement! I am still overwhelmed by the love I have received from the people surrounding me.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
The Power of His Truth
This is just going to be a quick one! As my Kindergarten Walk-In and school are coming ever so quickly, I have found how much time I need to spend at school...and then how PRECIOUS my down time is. I'm guessing this will become my new normal :)
This week I have been working on decorating my classroom and organizing things. At times, when my perspective is on point, I am excited about my classroom and meeting my kiddos. Other times, I feel so overwhelmed with information and completely inadequate. Yesterday was a day where I felt flooded with information and had so much to do I wanted to sit down and cry. Finally, after being at the school roughly 5 1/2 hours, I decided it was probably best for me to go home. One thing I love about where my school is located is the drive. It's about 20-25 minutes away. This is a perfect amount of time to do one of 4 things:
1. Listen to music and sing embarrassingly loud.
2. Simply listen to the music
3. Drive silently, meditating on my day and listening for His voice
4. Talk out loud to Jesus and pour out my heart
All of those are perfectly good options, depending on what day it is and what happened either at home or school. Yesterday I chose option #2. As my heart was pounding and my mind was racing with all the things I still have to do, I snapped out of my thoughts (selfish and anxious ones, I might add) and heard these words:
"I hear the Savior say, 'Thy strength indeed is small.'
Child of weakness, watch and pray.
Find in Me thine all in all."
"Uhhhh, YEAH. AMEN AND AMEN. God, this is totally me right now! You know where I'm at. You know I'm a hot mess...as usual!"
My heart melted. The Truth of those words washed over my soul. It eased my tense body. It took the heavy burden off my shoulders. I relaxed. In my head I picture a little girl crawling up into her big Father's lap and just collapsing. Imagery from Scripture of a Shepherd gathering up His lost and tired sheep in His arms pops into my head. The words from Psalm 23 talking about our Father making us lie down and leading us beside quiet waters came true in my life at that moment. Now, was I actually by still and quiet waters? No...I was driving, but He quieted my mind and heart. He regained my focus. The words of that hymn, and not even the most famous or loved ones, changed my perspective. For that, I'm thankful. It kind of changed the tone of the rest of my evening. I was able to unwind a little bit and gear up for today.
Today I get to meet with the other women on my kindergarten team! They are seriously the sweetest and loveliest people. The Lord has blessed me immensely with Abbie, Lynne and Laura. Lynne has been so kind and understanding with me! I've been asking her question upon question. You know what, though? I NEED to ask them! This is so brand new for me. TOMORROW I get to meet my kiddos! I CAN'T WAIT. Knowing that I get to see their sweet faces and meet their parents makes everything else not seem so bad.
I know that a lot of people who read this (haha okay, probably not that many people actually read it...but..) pray for me. I am so thankful! So if you are wanting to know how to pray, I'll help you out :D
1. That the Lord would help me balance and manage my time well.
2. That I wouldn't let stress and fear take control.
3. That the walk-in tomorrow would go smoothly, that I would have the answers to the parents' questions, and that I would make a good first impression.
4. That the Lord would give me wisdom and discernment as I get everything ready for the first day of school next week.
I could probably list off about 20 things, but for your sake, I won't ;)
This week I have been working on decorating my classroom and organizing things. At times, when my perspective is on point, I am excited about my classroom and meeting my kiddos. Other times, I feel so overwhelmed with information and completely inadequate. Yesterday was a day where I felt flooded with information and had so much to do I wanted to sit down and cry. Finally, after being at the school roughly 5 1/2 hours, I decided it was probably best for me to go home. One thing I love about where my school is located is the drive. It's about 20-25 minutes away. This is a perfect amount of time to do one of 4 things:
1. Listen to music and sing embarrassingly loud.
2. Simply listen to the music
3. Drive silently, meditating on my day and listening for His voice
4. Talk out loud to Jesus and pour out my heart
All of those are perfectly good options, depending on what day it is and what happened either at home or school. Yesterday I chose option #2. As my heart was pounding and my mind was racing with all the things I still have to do, I snapped out of my thoughts (selfish and anxious ones, I might add) and heard these words:
"I hear the Savior say, 'Thy strength indeed is small.'
Child of weakness, watch and pray.
Find in Me thine all in all."
"Uhhhh, YEAH. AMEN AND AMEN. God, this is totally me right now! You know where I'm at. You know I'm a hot mess...as usual!"
My heart melted. The Truth of those words washed over my soul. It eased my tense body. It took the heavy burden off my shoulders. I relaxed. In my head I picture a little girl crawling up into her big Father's lap and just collapsing. Imagery from Scripture of a Shepherd gathering up His lost and tired sheep in His arms pops into my head. The words from Psalm 23 talking about our Father making us lie down and leading us beside quiet waters came true in my life at that moment. Now, was I actually by still and quiet waters? No...I was driving, but He quieted my mind and heart. He regained my focus. The words of that hymn, and not even the most famous or loved ones, changed my perspective. For that, I'm thankful. It kind of changed the tone of the rest of my evening. I was able to unwind a little bit and gear up for today.
Today I get to meet with the other women on my kindergarten team! They are seriously the sweetest and loveliest people. The Lord has blessed me immensely with Abbie, Lynne and Laura. Lynne has been so kind and understanding with me! I've been asking her question upon question. You know what, though? I NEED to ask them! This is so brand new for me. TOMORROW I get to meet my kiddos! I CAN'T WAIT. Knowing that I get to see their sweet faces and meet their parents makes everything else not seem so bad.
I know that a lot of people who read this (haha okay, probably not that many people actually read it...but..) pray for me. I am so thankful! So if you are wanting to know how to pray, I'll help you out :D
1. That the Lord would help me balance and manage my time well.
2. That I wouldn't let stress and fear take control.
3. That the walk-in tomorrow would go smoothly, that I would have the answers to the parents' questions, and that I would make a good first impression.
4. That the Lord would give me wisdom and discernment as I get everything ready for the first day of school next week.
I could probably list off about 20 things, but for your sake, I won't ;)
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Hello, Kindergarten!
Yes! It's true! I DO have a job. It was quite the experience, too. So here's how it happened...
Back in February, I had a phone interview with a school in Indianapolis, but it turned out to be a direction that I really wasn't looking to go. Then in March, I had an offer from a school in Columbus, OH, which I decided I didn't want. I don't know anyone in Columbus that I'm close to, and my desire has been to come back to Indiana.
A little over a month ago, I had no leads on jobs. My last post was around this time, too. I was really struggling! Teaching has never been something that I just chose because I didn't know what else to do. It's my PASSION. I love it with all my heart. So the thought of not having a job all lined up was tough for me, though it's so common not to have a job right out of college. My pride was hurt. The weight of uncertainty was crushing me. On the outside, I tried to smile and handle it well, but on the inside I was afraid.
So during this period of time, I was sitting on my bed one day, about to pour out my heart to Jesus on paper. I wrote my first sentence about the state of my heart, and kinda started to cry. In the middle of my next sentence, the phone rang. "I'm crying and don't feel like talking," I thought to myself (dramatic, much?). I didn't answer and let it go to messages. Then I hear on the phone,
"Hi, Alison. This is "so-and-so" from Middlebury Community Schools, and we'd like to have you come in for an interview on Friday. Give us a call back to set up a time..."
Well, that was a fast answer to my tear-filled prayer, wasn't it!? I couldn't believe it. ONCE AGAIN, the Lord graciously came through in HIS timing. My heart was overwhelmed with thankfulness. I called the school back and set up a time. I sat back down on my bed and thought, "What if I wouldn't have gotten that call? Would my heart still be thankful and trust Him?" Trusting God in the midst of uncertainty has been a theme in my life this summer. He has grown me, but I still have a LONG way to go.
My interview was on Friday, June 12th at 9:45 am. It went well. The people who conducted my interview were very welcoming and made me feel very comfortable. They all seemed to get along well together, which appealed to me. Every teacher wants to be apart of a system and staff in which they feel cared for, welcomed, and supported. I left feeling pretty good about everything, and was told I would hear sometime that next week from them. Well, that same night, I got a call with an offer for a kindergarten position at Orchard View Elementary in Middlebury, IN. It's about 20-25 minutes away from my house.
Long story short, I accepted that position and CAN'T WAIT! I get to meet my kiddos and their parents on August 6th for a kindergarten walk-through/open house, so the students and parents can see the school and meet me. Then school starts on AUGUST 12th! My, my, that's coming quickly!
I just want to thank everyone who prayed for me and checked in with me during this whole process. I have experienced the body of Christ and His love like none other. The Lord has heard your prayers! :) Along with that, I would like to thank my first grade teacher, Sherry Bickel, for helping me connect with the school. You're the best and I can't wait to teach with you!
ALSO, I just want to say that even if I still didn't have a job at this point, or never got one this year, the Lord would STILL be good. I firmly believe that in my heart. His ways are mysterious, yet perfect. They are hard to see sometimes, but He's sovereign. The older I get, the more evident these truths are. It seriously just makes me love Him more. He is a sweet, sweet Savior!
So...KINDERGARTEN, HERE I COME.
Back in February, I had a phone interview with a school in Indianapolis, but it turned out to be a direction that I really wasn't looking to go. Then in March, I had an offer from a school in Columbus, OH, which I decided I didn't want. I don't know anyone in Columbus that I'm close to, and my desire has been to come back to Indiana.
A little over a month ago, I had no leads on jobs. My last post was around this time, too. I was really struggling! Teaching has never been something that I just chose because I didn't know what else to do. It's my PASSION. I love it with all my heart. So the thought of not having a job all lined up was tough for me, though it's so common not to have a job right out of college. My pride was hurt. The weight of uncertainty was crushing me. On the outside, I tried to smile and handle it well, but on the inside I was afraid.
So during this period of time, I was sitting on my bed one day, about to pour out my heart to Jesus on paper. I wrote my first sentence about the state of my heart, and kinda started to cry. In the middle of my next sentence, the phone rang. "I'm crying and don't feel like talking," I thought to myself (dramatic, much?). I didn't answer and let it go to messages. Then I hear on the phone,
"Hi, Alison. This is "so-and-so" from Middlebury Community Schools, and we'd like to have you come in for an interview on Friday. Give us a call back to set up a time..."
Well, that was a fast answer to my tear-filled prayer, wasn't it!? I couldn't believe it. ONCE AGAIN, the Lord graciously came through in HIS timing. My heart was overwhelmed with thankfulness. I called the school back and set up a time. I sat back down on my bed and thought, "What if I wouldn't have gotten that call? Would my heart still be thankful and trust Him?" Trusting God in the midst of uncertainty has been a theme in my life this summer. He has grown me, but I still have a LONG way to go.
My interview was on Friday, June 12th at 9:45 am. It went well. The people who conducted my interview were very welcoming and made me feel very comfortable. They all seemed to get along well together, which appealed to me. Every teacher wants to be apart of a system and staff in which they feel cared for, welcomed, and supported. I left feeling pretty good about everything, and was told I would hear sometime that next week from them. Well, that same night, I got a call with an offer for a kindergarten position at Orchard View Elementary in Middlebury, IN. It's about 20-25 minutes away from my house.
Long story short, I accepted that position and CAN'T WAIT! I get to meet my kiddos and their parents on August 6th for a kindergarten walk-through/open house, so the students and parents can see the school and meet me. Then school starts on AUGUST 12th! My, my, that's coming quickly!
I just want to thank everyone who prayed for me and checked in with me during this whole process. I have experienced the body of Christ and His love like none other. The Lord has heard your prayers! :) Along with that, I would like to thank my first grade teacher, Sherry Bickel, for helping me connect with the school. You're the best and I can't wait to teach with you!
ALSO, I just want to say that even if I still didn't have a job at this point, or never got one this year, the Lord would STILL be good. I firmly believe that in my heart. His ways are mysterious, yet perfect. They are hard to see sometimes, but He's sovereign. The older I get, the more evident these truths are. It seriously just makes me love Him more. He is a sweet, sweet Savior!
So...KINDERGARTEN, HERE I COME.
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