Oh, 2015. I can honestly say this has been the year full of the most change out of my 22 (almost 23!) years. Here's the breakdown...in somewhat of a chronological order. I:
1. did my student teaching and had one of the best times of my life.
2. experienced true heartbreak.
3. almost took a teaching position in Ohio.
4. graduated from Cedarville.
5. said goodbye to some of the greatest friends I've ever had, including my sweet roommate.
6. went through a period of worry and confusion as I looked for jobs in Indianapolis, but didn't find any, so I started applying around home.
7. had 2 job interviews within a week, and ended up with 2 different offers. I went from having NO leads to feeling overwhelmed with a tough decision!
8. accepted my first teaching job at Orchard View Elementary as a kindergarten teacher, and what an experience it has been!
9. officially decided to live at home with my parents to save money, even though that's not what I had envisioned.
10. was honored to be in my brother Nick's wedding, gaining another sister that I love DEARLY.
11. flew out to Philadelphia to visit my roommate, her fiance', and her fiance's brother, and I had a GREAT time!
12. grieved with my church family as our pastor's daughter, Amanda Grace Blackburn, was killed in her home. It was a very sad time, but the Lord has worked in amazing ways in spite of the evil that took place.
13. welcomed my second niece, Nora, into the world on November 29th. Brin, Millie and Brett were so excited, along with the rest of us. My family got even closer.
14. celebrated with 4 of my close friends who got engaged, and will get married in 2016 (with me standing with 2 of them!). Congratulations Hannah, Lexi, Morgan, and Laura :)
15. saw and heard of countless people come to know Christ through my church and through Revive Indiana.
16. experienced the true sovereignty, GRACE, forgiveness, love, strength, peace, provision, and VICTORY that can only come through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.
I am THANKFUL for every single thing that happened, good and bad. Every single thing that occurred never surprised God (although...I was surprised a lot!). He knew. He blessed me with the good, and redeemed the poor choices I made, and the sad things that happen due to the state of the world in which we live: fallen. I saw different facets of God that I didn't knew existed. I learned things about His character that I had never known before. And you know what? I love Him more than ever. I love how patient He is with me. I love how He knows me better than I know myself. I love that He knows my deepest longings, but also knows what's best for me.
As I started thinking about 2016, I began to make a list of goals in my head. "I want to stop being late to social things." "I want to be the best teacher I can be." "I want to eat better." "I want to have a deeper understanding of God's will." Those things aren't bad. You know, most people's goals or resolutions aren't bad at all! They are usually good. But I started to think, "Who am I doing this for? Who am I trying to better?" Again, I realized again just how self-centered I am (isn't it kinda depressing when you realize that about yourself??). The list keeps changing in my head. Eventually I'll write it down and put it somewhere I can see it. Maybe I'll have to put it in numerous places. I want to matter. I want it to glorify God. I want my heart to change from being too "me-focused" to "God- and "others- focused." My desire is for these words to characterize my heart-- patient, gentle, Christ-like, servant-hearted. I'd like to keep my phone in my purse more. I'd like others to have my undivided the whole time I'm in their presence. I'd like my kiddos to know that I love each of them with my whole heart, and am always doing my very best.
May my communication with my Savior be more plentiful, meaningful, and faithful. May my heart be moldable. May my mind be full of truth. May His truth be ever on my lips. May His Word guard my heart and fill it with peace. May 2016 make me look more like Jesus.
What will your 2016 be?
Friday, January 1, 2016
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
I Want More
Most of my posts on this blog are about teaching and what's going on in my life with the job I have...but this blog is called "Life As I Know It," right? Well, my life isn't centered around being a teacher, although, that's what I do most of the time and it's something I love.
More importantly, my life is centered around Christ.
Lately I've been thinking about the human heart...and my heart, mainly I suppose. That seems a little selfish as I type the words, but it's the one that's inside of me! In the book of Jeremiah it says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Those words have been coming to my mind over and over. While it may sound harsh and you may think, "But I can't help what's in my heart! That's just how I am!," if you really were honest with yourself, it's true. It's true of my heart. Here's what has been going on in the heart and mind of Ali.
I have desires in my heart. I have goals. I work hard for them. I'm a pretty determined and competitive girl. Some of these desires are worldly, temporary or selfish. Others are things that normal, almost-23-year-old girls want. However, when a goal is accomplished or the Lord graciously gives me the desires of my heart, not too much time passes before I'm setting my sights on something else. I wanted to graduate from Cedarville -- Check. I wanted to spend time with the girls in my youth group and build new relationships -- Check. I wanted to get a teaching job -- Check.
"But Ali, those are all good things!"
Yes, they are. But did I want those things for selfish gain, or did I want them to glorify Christ? Will those things truly fulfill the longings inside of my heart?
No. They won't.
While there are amazing things that are worth pursuing in this life that are all gifts from our precious Father, they will not complete our hearts. They will not fill the voids that are there. Even if you don't think you have any...you do! The truth that is resonating in my mind and heart is this:
Jesus Christ is the only person in this whole entire universe that can satisfy my heart.
Can I go a step further and be a little more vulnerable?
My whole life I have struggled with wanting the approval and affirmation of others. I find myself wanting people to think highly of me, to know that I work hard, etc. But...even when I do, my heart is still yearning for something more. That's the thing with worldly pursuits and wanting recognition from others-- it quickly melts away and people move on or forget. Who is the Only One who can truly know and love your heart and you for you? Jesus Christ. When I live my life for other people, I end up feeling empty, disappointed, and like I don't really measure up. But my Savior sees right through my appearance, my actions, and my words--He sees my heart. He sees what makes me motivated. He knows what's best for me. He knows how to fill up my heart in a way that no one and nothing else can. Another thing that's been hard for me to wrestle with lately is (excuse me while I swallow my pride and admit this) yep, you guessed it. Feeling lonely, in the sense of being single. I mean, how long have I been totally okay with being single and trusting that God is going to take care of this? For forever! I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the fact that about 60% of my friends are dating/engaged/got married this summer. And don't get me wrong: my heart is OVERJOYED for them! Seriously! Yet, in the back of my head there's a small voice that says, "Father, I am so happy for my friends...but when will it be my turn?" Is it so wrong to want a guy who loves Jesus with everything inside of him, pursues integrity and purity, makes me laugh, and like sports?! That values the same things as me and is like-minded, even if I'm pretty conservative?? No. But are my sights set more on that than my Father?
Yet here's the truth again: "Alison, my timing is perfect. Your best is my priority. Even if/when you do meet that someone, he will never fill every part of your heart like I can. Your problems will not magically disappeared when you're married. YOUR HEART IS CREATED FOR ME."
When I speak this truth to myself and see His promises in His Word, my perspective is back on track. His promises are enough for me. He wants me to be content and patient right where He has me! Okay, here's a little of my teaching life. I could sit here and laugh out loud at myself! When my kiddos are being impatient, and I have about half of them talking to me at once saying things like, "Miss Bigler, tie my shoes!" "Miss Bigler, you forgot to turn the screen on!" "Miss Bigler, why can't I see the video?!" "Miss Bigler, I look at this!"
Here is what I tell them: "Boys and girls, we need to be patient! Do you know what being patient means? BEING HAPPY TO WAIT and BEING HAPPY WHILE YOU ARE WAITING."
I should take my own advice, right?
I don't want to be the girl that is always waiting for the next thing! I want to be a teacher who focuses on her kiddos today, being the best she can be. I want to be a daughter/sister/aunt who loves her family today and focuses on the time she has now. I want to be a friend who is all there in every conversation, listening and loving like Jesus commands. I want to be a Christian who does what she knows the Lord has called her to be every day: obedient to Him, a servant to others, and a light to a lost world. When I focus on what the Lord has in front of me, He will work everything else out. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Seek Him FIRST, and the rest will follow. Then, in His perfect and sweet timing, I can someday be what He wants me to be. Instead of a heart that yearns for my own desires and only will do for a short time, I want to have a heart that yearns for HIM. I want to have a heart that has a fire for Him.
Oh, here's a song that I have been playing OVER and OVER. Hopefully I don't get sick of it. I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do :)
Again, my heart is so encouraged by the people who tell me they are praying for me/and or see my blog. Sorry this one is a little different, but I can always use the prayer! If you ever have any wise words or advice for me, just text me, e mail me, or message me on Facebook or something like that. I know I have a lot of learning to do on this narrow road, and I'm always receptive to some help.
There's the video :)
More importantly, my life is centered around Christ.
Lately I've been thinking about the human heart...and my heart, mainly I suppose. That seems a little selfish as I type the words, but it's the one that's inside of me! In the book of Jeremiah it says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Those words have been coming to my mind over and over. While it may sound harsh and you may think, "But I can't help what's in my heart! That's just how I am!," if you really were honest with yourself, it's true. It's true of my heart. Here's what has been going on in the heart and mind of Ali.
I have desires in my heart. I have goals. I work hard for them. I'm a pretty determined and competitive girl. Some of these desires are worldly, temporary or selfish. Others are things that normal, almost-23-year-old girls want. However, when a goal is accomplished or the Lord graciously gives me the desires of my heart, not too much time passes before I'm setting my sights on something else. I wanted to graduate from Cedarville -- Check. I wanted to spend time with the girls in my youth group and build new relationships -- Check. I wanted to get a teaching job -- Check.
"But Ali, those are all good things!"
Yes, they are. But did I want those things for selfish gain, or did I want them to glorify Christ? Will those things truly fulfill the longings inside of my heart?
No. They won't.
While there are amazing things that are worth pursuing in this life that are all gifts from our precious Father, they will not complete our hearts. They will not fill the voids that are there. Even if you don't think you have any...you do! The truth that is resonating in my mind and heart is this:
Jesus Christ is the only person in this whole entire universe that can satisfy my heart.
Can I go a step further and be a little more vulnerable?
My whole life I have struggled with wanting the approval and affirmation of others. I find myself wanting people to think highly of me, to know that I work hard, etc. But...even when I do, my heart is still yearning for something more. That's the thing with worldly pursuits and wanting recognition from others-- it quickly melts away and people move on or forget. Who is the Only One who can truly know and love your heart and you for you? Jesus Christ. When I live my life for other people, I end up feeling empty, disappointed, and like I don't really measure up. But my Savior sees right through my appearance, my actions, and my words--He sees my heart. He sees what makes me motivated. He knows what's best for me. He knows how to fill up my heart in a way that no one and nothing else can. Another thing that's been hard for me to wrestle with lately is (excuse me while I swallow my pride and admit this) yep, you guessed it. Feeling lonely, in the sense of being single. I mean, how long have I been totally okay with being single and trusting that God is going to take care of this? For forever! I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the fact that about 60% of my friends are dating/engaged/got married this summer. And don't get me wrong: my heart is OVERJOYED for them! Seriously! Yet, in the back of my head there's a small voice that says, "Father, I am so happy for my friends...but when will it be my turn?" Is it so wrong to want a guy who loves Jesus with everything inside of him, pursues integrity and purity, makes me laugh, and like sports?! That values the same things as me and is like-minded, even if I'm pretty conservative?? No. But are my sights set more on that than my Father?
Yet here's the truth again: "Alison, my timing is perfect. Your best is my priority. Even if/when you do meet that someone, he will never fill every part of your heart like I can. Your problems will not magically disappeared when you're married. YOUR HEART IS CREATED FOR ME."
When I speak this truth to myself and see His promises in His Word, my perspective is back on track. His promises are enough for me. He wants me to be content and patient right where He has me! Okay, here's a little of my teaching life. I could sit here and laugh out loud at myself! When my kiddos are being impatient, and I have about half of them talking to me at once saying things like, "Miss Bigler, tie my shoes!" "Miss Bigler, you forgot to turn the screen on!" "Miss Bigler, why can't I see the video?!" "Miss Bigler, I look at this!"
Here is what I tell them: "Boys and girls, we need to be patient! Do you know what being patient means? BEING HAPPY TO WAIT and BEING HAPPY WHILE YOU ARE WAITING."
I should take my own advice, right?
I don't want to be the girl that is always waiting for the next thing! I want to be a teacher who focuses on her kiddos today, being the best she can be. I want to be a daughter/sister/aunt who loves her family today and focuses on the time she has now. I want to be a friend who is all there in every conversation, listening and loving like Jesus commands. I want to be a Christian who does what she knows the Lord has called her to be every day: obedient to Him, a servant to others, and a light to a lost world. When I focus on what the Lord has in front of me, He will work everything else out. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Seek Him FIRST, and the rest will follow. Then, in His perfect and sweet timing, I can someday be what He wants me to be. Instead of a heart that yearns for my own desires and only will do for a short time, I want to have a heart that yearns for HIM. I want to have a heart that has a fire for Him.
Oh, here's a song that I have been playing OVER and OVER. Hopefully I don't get sick of it. I'm sure you'll love it as much as I do :)
Again, my heart is so encouraged by the people who tell me they are praying for me/and or see my blog. Sorry this one is a little different, but I can always use the prayer! If you ever have any wise words or advice for me, just text me, e mail me, or message me on Facebook or something like that. I know I have a lot of learning to do on this narrow road, and I'm always receptive to some help.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
My New Normal
I have just completed my first full week of teaching. Wahoo! I would consider that an accomplishment! In those two weeks the following has occurred:
1 accident.
1 student threw up on the floor.
1 student with strep throat.
5 kids out with a fever.
COUNTLESS hugs.
I have learned a lot about the mind and behaviors of a kindergartener. When people think about kindergarten, they may think, "What's so hard about that? You play. You sing. You go outside. You eat snacks."
Mmmmm....think again! ;)
Teaching is a whole different world, and you really only understand it once you've done it. It's constant planning. Constant concern for your kiddos and their health. It's trying to figure out how each student thinks, what their strengths are, what they need help with, how they treat others, what motivates them, ETC. It never stops, ya know.
Needless to say, I have been trying to figure out my new normal. This new normal consists of very early mornings, going to bed early, washing my hands all the time, memorizing which kid goes home on what bus/van, and only going to the bathroom about 2 times during the whole school day. This new normal is teaching me that I have to say "no" to some things and/or people (which really hurts my heart sometimes), to prioritize my time wisely, and to have a LOT of patience. 16 little ones who are learning how to be at school can be a little overwhelming, but it is so very worth it. I love when my kiddos come in in the mornings. I love when more and more of them remember what to do for our morning routines. I love when they try so hard to remember which hand goes over their heart during the Pledge of Allegiance. I love how innocent (well, most of the time ;)) they are in their thinking. I love when they laugh while I'm reading to them. I love watching them dance during GoNoodle videos. I love when they get excited when they learn new things. Even in just a week and a half, I have seen growth in many of my kiddos. For instance...
One of my students missed 4/5 days of school last week. When Friday came, he was out, and then two other kiddos went home (It's only the second week of school, people!). I was talking to the class about how we need to remember to be washing our hands, staying healthy, etc., when one of my boys says, "We should make him "Get better" cards! THAT made my heart happy. My kiddos are learning to care about each other. I explained to them that we are all friends, and that we are a kindergarten family that loves and protects each other (Just like Mrs. Clark told us!).
1 accident.
1 student threw up on the floor.
1 student with strep throat.
5 kids out with a fever.
COUNTLESS hugs.
I have learned a lot about the mind and behaviors of a kindergartener. When people think about kindergarten, they may think, "What's so hard about that? You play. You sing. You go outside. You eat snacks."
Mmmmm....think again! ;)
Teaching is a whole different world, and you really only understand it once you've done it. It's constant planning. Constant concern for your kiddos and their health. It's trying to figure out how each student thinks, what their strengths are, what they need help with, how they treat others, what motivates them, ETC. It never stops, ya know.
Needless to say, I have been trying to figure out my new normal. This new normal consists of very early mornings, going to bed early, washing my hands all the time, memorizing which kid goes home on what bus/van, and only going to the bathroom about 2 times during the whole school day. This new normal is teaching me that I have to say "no" to some things and/or people (which really hurts my heart sometimes), to prioritize my time wisely, and to have a LOT of patience. 16 little ones who are learning how to be at school can be a little overwhelming, but it is so very worth it. I love when my kiddos come in in the mornings. I love when more and more of them remember what to do for our morning routines. I love when they try so hard to remember which hand goes over their heart during the Pledge of Allegiance. I love how innocent (well, most of the time ;)) they are in their thinking. I love when they laugh while I'm reading to them. I love watching them dance during GoNoodle videos. I love when they get excited when they learn new things. Even in just a week and a half, I have seen growth in many of my kiddos. For instance...
One of my students missed 4/5 days of school last week. When Friday came, he was out, and then two other kiddos went home (It's only the second week of school, people!). I was talking to the class about how we need to remember to be washing our hands, staying healthy, etc., when one of my boys says, "We should make him "Get better" cards! THAT made my heart happy. My kiddos are learning to care about each other. I explained to them that we are all friends, and that we are a kindergarten family that loves and protects each other (Just like Mrs. Clark told us!).
They turned out pretty well!
Another thing that has been happening is the building of relationships between myself and my co-workers. I think I literally have the BEST staff in the whole wide world. My kindergarten team has welcomed and helped me beyond belief. They have given me resources and advice. I have a wonderful aide that comes in and helps me every morning! I think I'd go crazy without her. My principal has been supportive to all the teachers and has impacted me greatly. He really cares about the well-being of the staff and students. And another thing that I'm thankful for is the group of parents I have in my class! I have had such kind and caring exchanges with them already. So many parents have expressed a desire to volunteer and send in snacks and supplies. They have welcomed me to the school, too, and have made this new normal even better!
Since I need to be going to sleep soon, here's how you can be praying:
1. For my kiddos' health. I have had so many sick, and it's not even cold season yet :/
2. For my own health. I am VERY congested and my head feels a bit like it's going to explode. I am 90% sure I have a sinus infection (which I have gotten my whole life periodically). I'm going to try to get a doctor's appointment tomorrow!
3. That my class continues to get used to being at school.
4. That I would rely on the LORD for strength--not on my own.
5. That I would have good time management and would have energy to be the very best teacher I can be.
Thank you for your prayers and your encouragement! I am still overwhelmed by the love I have received from the people surrounding me.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
The Power of His Truth
This is just going to be a quick one! As my Kindergarten Walk-In and school are coming ever so quickly, I have found how much time I need to spend at school...and then how PRECIOUS my down time is. I'm guessing this will become my new normal :)
This week I have been working on decorating my classroom and organizing things. At times, when my perspective is on point, I am excited about my classroom and meeting my kiddos. Other times, I feel so overwhelmed with information and completely inadequate. Yesterday was a day where I felt flooded with information and had so much to do I wanted to sit down and cry. Finally, after being at the school roughly 5 1/2 hours, I decided it was probably best for me to go home. One thing I love about where my school is located is the drive. It's about 20-25 minutes away. This is a perfect amount of time to do one of 4 things:
1. Listen to music and sing embarrassingly loud.
2. Simply listen to the music
3. Drive silently, meditating on my day and listening for His voice
4. Talk out loud to Jesus and pour out my heart
All of those are perfectly good options, depending on what day it is and what happened either at home or school. Yesterday I chose option #2. As my heart was pounding and my mind was racing with all the things I still have to do, I snapped out of my thoughts (selfish and anxious ones, I might add) and heard these words:
"I hear the Savior say, 'Thy strength indeed is small.'
Child of weakness, watch and pray.
Find in Me thine all in all."
"Uhhhh, YEAH. AMEN AND AMEN. God, this is totally me right now! You know where I'm at. You know I'm a hot mess...as usual!"
My heart melted. The Truth of those words washed over my soul. It eased my tense body. It took the heavy burden off my shoulders. I relaxed. In my head I picture a little girl crawling up into her big Father's lap and just collapsing. Imagery from Scripture of a Shepherd gathering up His lost and tired sheep in His arms pops into my head. The words from Psalm 23 talking about our Father making us lie down and leading us beside quiet waters came true in my life at that moment. Now, was I actually by still and quiet waters? No...I was driving, but He quieted my mind and heart. He regained my focus. The words of that hymn, and not even the most famous or loved ones, changed my perspective. For that, I'm thankful. It kind of changed the tone of the rest of my evening. I was able to unwind a little bit and gear up for today.
Today I get to meet with the other women on my kindergarten team! They are seriously the sweetest and loveliest people. The Lord has blessed me immensely with Abbie, Lynne and Laura. Lynne has been so kind and understanding with me! I've been asking her question upon question. You know what, though? I NEED to ask them! This is so brand new for me. TOMORROW I get to meet my kiddos! I CAN'T WAIT. Knowing that I get to see their sweet faces and meet their parents makes everything else not seem so bad.
I know that a lot of people who read this (haha okay, probably not that many people actually read it...but..) pray for me. I am so thankful! So if you are wanting to know how to pray, I'll help you out :D
1. That the Lord would help me balance and manage my time well.
2. That I wouldn't let stress and fear take control.
3. That the walk-in tomorrow would go smoothly, that I would have the answers to the parents' questions, and that I would make a good first impression.
4. That the Lord would give me wisdom and discernment as I get everything ready for the first day of school next week.
I could probably list off about 20 things, but for your sake, I won't ;)
This week I have been working on decorating my classroom and organizing things. At times, when my perspective is on point, I am excited about my classroom and meeting my kiddos. Other times, I feel so overwhelmed with information and completely inadequate. Yesterday was a day where I felt flooded with information and had so much to do I wanted to sit down and cry. Finally, after being at the school roughly 5 1/2 hours, I decided it was probably best for me to go home. One thing I love about where my school is located is the drive. It's about 20-25 minutes away. This is a perfect amount of time to do one of 4 things:
1. Listen to music and sing embarrassingly loud.
2. Simply listen to the music
3. Drive silently, meditating on my day and listening for His voice
4. Talk out loud to Jesus and pour out my heart
All of those are perfectly good options, depending on what day it is and what happened either at home or school. Yesterday I chose option #2. As my heart was pounding and my mind was racing with all the things I still have to do, I snapped out of my thoughts (selfish and anxious ones, I might add) and heard these words:
"I hear the Savior say, 'Thy strength indeed is small.'
Child of weakness, watch and pray.
Find in Me thine all in all."
"Uhhhh, YEAH. AMEN AND AMEN. God, this is totally me right now! You know where I'm at. You know I'm a hot mess...as usual!"
My heart melted. The Truth of those words washed over my soul. It eased my tense body. It took the heavy burden off my shoulders. I relaxed. In my head I picture a little girl crawling up into her big Father's lap and just collapsing. Imagery from Scripture of a Shepherd gathering up His lost and tired sheep in His arms pops into my head. The words from Psalm 23 talking about our Father making us lie down and leading us beside quiet waters came true in my life at that moment. Now, was I actually by still and quiet waters? No...I was driving, but He quieted my mind and heart. He regained my focus. The words of that hymn, and not even the most famous or loved ones, changed my perspective. For that, I'm thankful. It kind of changed the tone of the rest of my evening. I was able to unwind a little bit and gear up for today.
Today I get to meet with the other women on my kindergarten team! They are seriously the sweetest and loveliest people. The Lord has blessed me immensely with Abbie, Lynne and Laura. Lynne has been so kind and understanding with me! I've been asking her question upon question. You know what, though? I NEED to ask them! This is so brand new for me. TOMORROW I get to meet my kiddos! I CAN'T WAIT. Knowing that I get to see their sweet faces and meet their parents makes everything else not seem so bad.
I know that a lot of people who read this (haha okay, probably not that many people actually read it...but..) pray for me. I am so thankful! So if you are wanting to know how to pray, I'll help you out :D
1. That the Lord would help me balance and manage my time well.
2. That I wouldn't let stress and fear take control.
3. That the walk-in tomorrow would go smoothly, that I would have the answers to the parents' questions, and that I would make a good first impression.
4. That the Lord would give me wisdom and discernment as I get everything ready for the first day of school next week.
I could probably list off about 20 things, but for your sake, I won't ;)
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Hello, Kindergarten!
Yes! It's true! I DO have a job. It was quite the experience, too. So here's how it happened...
Back in February, I had a phone interview with a school in Indianapolis, but it turned out to be a direction that I really wasn't looking to go. Then in March, I had an offer from a school in Columbus, OH, which I decided I didn't want. I don't know anyone in Columbus that I'm close to, and my desire has been to come back to Indiana.
A little over a month ago, I had no leads on jobs. My last post was around this time, too. I was really struggling! Teaching has never been something that I just chose because I didn't know what else to do. It's my PASSION. I love it with all my heart. So the thought of not having a job all lined up was tough for me, though it's so common not to have a job right out of college. My pride was hurt. The weight of uncertainty was crushing me. On the outside, I tried to smile and handle it well, but on the inside I was afraid.
So during this period of time, I was sitting on my bed one day, about to pour out my heart to Jesus on paper. I wrote my first sentence about the state of my heart, and kinda started to cry. In the middle of my next sentence, the phone rang. "I'm crying and don't feel like talking," I thought to myself (dramatic, much?). I didn't answer and let it go to messages. Then I hear on the phone,
"Hi, Alison. This is "so-and-so" from Middlebury Community Schools, and we'd like to have you come in for an interview on Friday. Give us a call back to set up a time..."
Well, that was a fast answer to my tear-filled prayer, wasn't it!? I couldn't believe it. ONCE AGAIN, the Lord graciously came through in HIS timing. My heart was overwhelmed with thankfulness. I called the school back and set up a time. I sat back down on my bed and thought, "What if I wouldn't have gotten that call? Would my heart still be thankful and trust Him?" Trusting God in the midst of uncertainty has been a theme in my life this summer. He has grown me, but I still have a LONG way to go.
My interview was on Friday, June 12th at 9:45 am. It went well. The people who conducted my interview were very welcoming and made me feel very comfortable. They all seemed to get along well together, which appealed to me. Every teacher wants to be apart of a system and staff in which they feel cared for, welcomed, and supported. I left feeling pretty good about everything, and was told I would hear sometime that next week from them. Well, that same night, I got a call with an offer for a kindergarten position at Orchard View Elementary in Middlebury, IN. It's about 20-25 minutes away from my house.
Long story short, I accepted that position and CAN'T WAIT! I get to meet my kiddos and their parents on August 6th for a kindergarten walk-through/open house, so the students and parents can see the school and meet me. Then school starts on AUGUST 12th! My, my, that's coming quickly!
I just want to thank everyone who prayed for me and checked in with me during this whole process. I have experienced the body of Christ and His love like none other. The Lord has heard your prayers! :) Along with that, I would like to thank my first grade teacher, Sherry Bickel, for helping me connect with the school. You're the best and I can't wait to teach with you!
ALSO, I just want to say that even if I still didn't have a job at this point, or never got one this year, the Lord would STILL be good. I firmly believe that in my heart. His ways are mysterious, yet perfect. They are hard to see sometimes, but He's sovereign. The older I get, the more evident these truths are. It seriously just makes me love Him more. He is a sweet, sweet Savior!
So...KINDERGARTEN, HERE I COME.
Back in February, I had a phone interview with a school in Indianapolis, but it turned out to be a direction that I really wasn't looking to go. Then in March, I had an offer from a school in Columbus, OH, which I decided I didn't want. I don't know anyone in Columbus that I'm close to, and my desire has been to come back to Indiana.
A little over a month ago, I had no leads on jobs. My last post was around this time, too. I was really struggling! Teaching has never been something that I just chose because I didn't know what else to do. It's my PASSION. I love it with all my heart. So the thought of not having a job all lined up was tough for me, though it's so common not to have a job right out of college. My pride was hurt. The weight of uncertainty was crushing me. On the outside, I tried to smile and handle it well, but on the inside I was afraid.
So during this period of time, I was sitting on my bed one day, about to pour out my heart to Jesus on paper. I wrote my first sentence about the state of my heart, and kinda started to cry. In the middle of my next sentence, the phone rang. "I'm crying and don't feel like talking," I thought to myself (dramatic, much?). I didn't answer and let it go to messages. Then I hear on the phone,
"Hi, Alison. This is "so-and-so" from Middlebury Community Schools, and we'd like to have you come in for an interview on Friday. Give us a call back to set up a time..."
Well, that was a fast answer to my tear-filled prayer, wasn't it!? I couldn't believe it. ONCE AGAIN, the Lord graciously came through in HIS timing. My heart was overwhelmed with thankfulness. I called the school back and set up a time. I sat back down on my bed and thought, "What if I wouldn't have gotten that call? Would my heart still be thankful and trust Him?" Trusting God in the midst of uncertainty has been a theme in my life this summer. He has grown me, but I still have a LONG way to go.
My interview was on Friday, June 12th at 9:45 am. It went well. The people who conducted my interview were very welcoming and made me feel very comfortable. They all seemed to get along well together, which appealed to me. Every teacher wants to be apart of a system and staff in which they feel cared for, welcomed, and supported. I left feeling pretty good about everything, and was told I would hear sometime that next week from them. Well, that same night, I got a call with an offer for a kindergarten position at Orchard View Elementary in Middlebury, IN. It's about 20-25 minutes away from my house.
Long story short, I accepted that position and CAN'T WAIT! I get to meet my kiddos and their parents on August 6th for a kindergarten walk-through/open house, so the students and parents can see the school and meet me. Then school starts on AUGUST 12th! My, my, that's coming quickly!
I just want to thank everyone who prayed for me and checked in with me during this whole process. I have experienced the body of Christ and His love like none other. The Lord has heard your prayers! :) Along with that, I would like to thank my first grade teacher, Sherry Bickel, for helping me connect with the school. You're the best and I can't wait to teach with you!
ALSO, I just want to say that even if I still didn't have a job at this point, or never got one this year, the Lord would STILL be good. I firmly believe that in my heart. His ways are mysterious, yet perfect. They are hard to see sometimes, but He's sovereign. The older I get, the more evident these truths are. It seriously just makes me love Him more. He is a sweet, sweet Savior!
So...KINDERGARTEN, HERE I COME.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Getting Ready to Walk - Pt. 2.
Well, here I am, exactly one month after I walked across the stage at graduation. It's so funny to me that the last time I wrote, I was talking about physically walking. As I sit here one month later, I find myself thinking about walking in a very different way:
Walking by faith, not only with my feet, but in my mind and heart.
I believe that I've already expressed on here that growing up is hard. Yes, there are really great things about it, but not all of them are so great. Since I've graduated, the Lord is really showing me what it means to rest in Him alone and what it means to truly trust Him with all my heart. I don't have a teaching job lined up for the fall, am living at home, and have been feeling like I'm just existing. Call it a quarter-life crisis, if you will. "What am I doing with my life!?" "Lord, what do you want me to do right now?" "I'm just...stuck!" "Should I move to Indy with no job just to see if I like it?" These are thoughts that have been going through my head more than I'd like to admit.
Am I being lazy?
Shouldn't I have a job already?
What do I do while I'm home?
Should I just up and move?
Am I forcing Indy?
LORD, WHERE ARE MY ANSWERS? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
"...Making you more like Jesus Christ, Alison."
Oh...Yeah, Lord. That's probably a good idea.
I'm just focusing on myself and getting answers. But what if the Lord doesn't want me to have every answer and every detail? Is that enough for me? When I don't have answers, all I have is Him. When my eyes are off of myself, I am FREE to focus on Him and loving others.
Wow. He's a pretty smart and wise God, huh?
At church on Sunday, which I could write a ton about because it was so good, the Lord comforted me through different people and in different ways. His care for me amazes me. Pastor Phil talked about our individual stories-- our "song." I realized that the Lord has equipped me in unique ways, and that I can still serve and be effective in this time of waiting. I'm not just existing. As long as I am in Christ, I ALWAYS have purpose and a mission. It was kind of like the kick in pants I needed to STOP WAITING for things to just drop in my lap, and do what I KNOW how to do while I'm waiting-- TEACH. LOVE OTHERS. SERVE OTHERS. WORK WITH KIDS. "Be faithful to Me every day. Take up your cross. Take the opportunities I give you."
Okay, Lord. I will.
Another way He's been comforting me is through other people. After the service on Sunday, Tami Brinks (my lands, I love her so dearly!) came up to me and asked about my plans and if I had any leads for teaching jobs. A tad bit embarrassed, I told her no. "How can I pray for you?" she asked me. I explained to her what's been going on in my mind and heart, and her response has been going through my mind ever since:
"Ali, He loves when we come to Him with nothing."
It's hard for me to come to Him with nothing...because He deserves so much. You see, I'm a DOER. I put forth a lot of effort. I like working hard. My flesh likes to feel accomplished and like I've gotten approval...from others, and I've been learning that I try to earn God's approval. I've written about that before.
"For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."
Psalm 51: 16-17
I am constantly reminded in God's Word that He doesn't want my works. He wants my heart, and when I come to Him with absolutely nothing, He gets all heart. Maybe I'm afraid to bring Him my heart because I know and am ashamed of what's inside it. He already knows what's in there, though. He sees my desire to please Him. He doesn't look at me and think, "Yikes, Ali. You're a mess. You're a nut job, actually. Why can't you just suck it up and trust me?" He looks at me and sees HIS righteousness and His SON! He remembers my frame and knows that I'm from dust.
In Him, all I can bring Him is my heart. I don't have it altogether. I don't have answers. I DO, though, have a Savior that I can rest in. I have a Savior who knows exactly what I need when I need it. His timing is so much more perfect than anything I could plan myself (Yes, even if that means His timing means waiting until a day before the school year!). While I wait on Him, I will serve. I will be obedient. I will love Him and others. I will take one day at a time. I will live for HIM--not for the opinions and approval of others, which is a weakness of mine.
The unrest in my heart just reminds me that He is the only One who can ease it and fulfill the desires of my heart. I get too caught up in the temporary and the things I can see. However...this is what GOD says about that:
Walking by faith, not only with my feet, but in my mind and heart.
I believe that I've already expressed on here that growing up is hard. Yes, there are really great things about it, but not all of them are so great. Since I've graduated, the Lord is really showing me what it means to rest in Him alone and what it means to truly trust Him with all my heart. I don't have a teaching job lined up for the fall, am living at home, and have been feeling like I'm just existing. Call it a quarter-life crisis, if you will. "What am I doing with my life!?" "Lord, what do you want me to do right now?" "I'm just...stuck!" "Should I move to Indy with no job just to see if I like it?" These are thoughts that have been going through my head more than I'd like to admit.
Am I being lazy?
Shouldn't I have a job already?
What do I do while I'm home?
Should I just up and move?
Am I forcing Indy?
LORD, WHERE ARE MY ANSWERS? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
"...Making you more like Jesus Christ, Alison."
Oh...Yeah, Lord. That's probably a good idea.
I'm just focusing on myself and getting answers. But what if the Lord doesn't want me to have every answer and every detail? Is that enough for me? When I don't have answers, all I have is Him. When my eyes are off of myself, I am FREE to focus on Him and loving others.
Wow. He's a pretty smart and wise God, huh?
At church on Sunday, which I could write a ton about because it was so good, the Lord comforted me through different people and in different ways. His care for me amazes me. Pastor Phil talked about our individual stories-- our "song." I realized that the Lord has equipped me in unique ways, and that I can still serve and be effective in this time of waiting. I'm not just existing. As long as I am in Christ, I ALWAYS have purpose and a mission. It was kind of like the kick in pants I needed to STOP WAITING for things to just drop in my lap, and do what I KNOW how to do while I'm waiting-- TEACH. LOVE OTHERS. SERVE OTHERS. WORK WITH KIDS. "Be faithful to Me every day. Take up your cross. Take the opportunities I give you."
Okay, Lord. I will.
Another way He's been comforting me is through other people. After the service on Sunday, Tami Brinks (my lands, I love her so dearly!) came up to me and asked about my plans and if I had any leads for teaching jobs. A tad bit embarrassed, I told her no. "How can I pray for you?" she asked me. I explained to her what's been going on in my mind and heart, and her response has been going through my mind ever since:
"Ali, He loves when we come to Him with nothing."
It's hard for me to come to Him with nothing...because He deserves so much. You see, I'm a DOER. I put forth a lot of effort. I like working hard. My flesh likes to feel accomplished and like I've gotten approval...from others, and I've been learning that I try to earn God's approval. I've written about that before.
"For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."
Psalm 51: 16-17
I am constantly reminded in God's Word that He doesn't want my works. He wants my heart, and when I come to Him with absolutely nothing, He gets all heart. Maybe I'm afraid to bring Him my heart because I know and am ashamed of what's inside it. He already knows what's in there, though. He sees my desire to please Him. He doesn't look at me and think, "Yikes, Ali. You're a mess. You're a nut job, actually. Why can't you just suck it up and trust me?" He looks at me and sees HIS righteousness and His SON! He remembers my frame and knows that I'm from dust.
In Him, all I can bring Him is my heart. I don't have it altogether. I don't have answers. I DO, though, have a Savior that I can rest in. I have a Savior who knows exactly what I need when I need it. His timing is so much more perfect than anything I could plan myself (Yes, even if that means His timing means waiting until a day before the school year!). While I wait on Him, I will serve. I will be obedient. I will love Him and others. I will take one day at a time. I will live for HIM--not for the opinions and approval of others, which is a weakness of mine.
The unrest in my heart just reminds me that He is the only One who can ease it and fulfill the desires of my heart. I get too caught up in the temporary and the things I can see. However...this is what GOD says about that:
"For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.
So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil."
2 Corinthians 5:1-9
Therefore, I will make it my aim to please Him. I will walk by faith.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Getting Ready to Walk - Part 1.
Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday.
Then Saturday.
Whoa baby! It came so quickly!
The past couple weeks have seriously been a whirlwind. I can't really tell if I'm happy or sad. It goes back and forth, ya know? I'm done with pretty much everything, and it's surreal.
I had my last house church on Wednesday. My, my, how the Lord has blessed me through that group of people! It was such a sweet night of prayer, encouragement and fellowship. Jay made it very special for Maryssa, Micah, Caleb and I. I am privileged to have been welcomed in by them, since they were the original group. Maryssa has challenged me so incredibly much! She's going across the world to start her teaching career. She has a boldness for Christ and a passion for missions that I deeply admire and wish I had. We've gotten much closer and I am thankful. Micah and Caleb have impressed me a great deal. It's so awesome to see two guys who are dedicated to participating, leading, and pursuing Christ. These young men of Christ aren't just all talk. I am so excited to see how God uses them! Jay also had us sit next to each other and let people in the group wash our feet. It was humbling, yet one of the most meaningful things. It seemed really backwards that some of my freshmen from last year were washing my feet. They are my little babies! Anyways...after a time of eating pizza, watching arm wrestling, talking, crying, and praying, the night was over. The last one.
I had my last Elliv on Saturday. It was VERY good and exceeded my expectations. The Lord has really, really gifted people on this campus. He's just cool like that. Instead of going all-out with costumes like every other year, Hannah, Karl, Em and I decided to go normal instead. This was the first year I didn't have paint on me! After Elliv, we went and saw a movie. It was a chill night, but a good one, for sure.
Then on Sunday I had my last service at Apex. I was NOT looking forward to that. AT ALL. Apex has been what I look forward to every weekend. It's where I go to receive fellowship, refreshment, and to have the truth of the Word spoken into my mind and heart. Rob and Jason have seriously challenged me and pushed me. They have spoken about the hard things that aren't always fun to hear. They don't care if we feel uncomfortable or convicted. They care about the TRUTH of God's Word and the GOSPEL, and that's what matters. After the service, Rob started walking toward me and I lost it before he even gave me a hug. The joy and love of the Lord POUR out of that man. I know he's not perfect, but he runs after Jesus with all his heart and leads humbly. I appreciate him more than I can say and more than he knows.
Yes, I am done teaching, as well. Wow, just typing that sentence brought tears to my eyes. While I'm done with teaching, I'm still at school, acting as an aide to Mrs. Meriweather and observing teachers in other grades. I'm not gonna lie. Sitting back and watching someone else teach the class that has been mine for the last 4 months killed me. I hated it, honestly. I felt like I was doing nothing. My heart is kinda...broken. Actually, not kinda broken. It just is. Yet at the same time, I love seeing Mrs. Meriweather so happy! I can tell that she is so ready to have her class back, especially since she's retiring after this year. With that in mind, I happily give the class back to her! My heart is rather conflicted. I have just grown to love, LOVE my students so deeply. I would do anything for them.
Well, Hannah and I decided we are going to watch an episode of the Cosby Show (yes...I love it and have the first 4 seasons on DVD.) tonight, so I'll continue this another day this week. I have a lot more time on my hands now ;)
Then Saturday.
Whoa baby! It came so quickly!
The past couple weeks have seriously been a whirlwind. I can't really tell if I'm happy or sad. It goes back and forth, ya know? I'm done with pretty much everything, and it's surreal.
I had my last house church on Wednesday. My, my, how the Lord has blessed me through that group of people! It was such a sweet night of prayer, encouragement and fellowship. Jay made it very special for Maryssa, Micah, Caleb and I. I am privileged to have been welcomed in by them, since they were the original group. Maryssa has challenged me so incredibly much! She's going across the world to start her teaching career. She has a boldness for Christ and a passion for missions that I deeply admire and wish I had. We've gotten much closer and I am thankful. Micah and Caleb have impressed me a great deal. It's so awesome to see two guys who are dedicated to participating, leading, and pursuing Christ. These young men of Christ aren't just all talk. I am so excited to see how God uses them! Jay also had us sit next to each other and let people in the group wash our feet. It was humbling, yet one of the most meaningful things. It seemed really backwards that some of my freshmen from last year were washing my feet. They are my little babies! Anyways...after a time of eating pizza, watching arm wrestling, talking, crying, and praying, the night was over. The last one.
I had my last Elliv on Saturday. It was VERY good and exceeded my expectations. The Lord has really, really gifted people on this campus. He's just cool like that. Instead of going all-out with costumes like every other year, Hannah, Karl, Em and I decided to go normal instead. This was the first year I didn't have paint on me! After Elliv, we went and saw a movie. It was a chill night, but a good one, for sure.
Then on Sunday I had my last service at Apex. I was NOT looking forward to that. AT ALL. Apex has been what I look forward to every weekend. It's where I go to receive fellowship, refreshment, and to have the truth of the Word spoken into my mind and heart. Rob and Jason have seriously challenged me and pushed me. They have spoken about the hard things that aren't always fun to hear. They don't care if we feel uncomfortable or convicted. They care about the TRUTH of God's Word and the GOSPEL, and that's what matters. After the service, Rob started walking toward me and I lost it before he even gave me a hug. The joy and love of the Lord POUR out of that man. I know he's not perfect, but he runs after Jesus with all his heart and leads humbly. I appreciate him more than I can say and more than he knows.
Yes, I am done teaching, as well. Wow, just typing that sentence brought tears to my eyes. While I'm done with teaching, I'm still at school, acting as an aide to Mrs. Meriweather and observing teachers in other grades. I'm not gonna lie. Sitting back and watching someone else teach the class that has been mine for the last 4 months killed me. I hated it, honestly. I felt like I was doing nothing. My heart is kinda...broken. Actually, not kinda broken. It just is. Yet at the same time, I love seeing Mrs. Meriweather so happy! I can tell that she is so ready to have her class back, especially since she's retiring after this year. With that in mind, I happily give the class back to her! My heart is rather conflicted. I have just grown to love, LOVE my students so deeply. I would do anything for them.
Well, Hannah and I decided we are going to watch an episode of the Cosby Show (yes...I love it and have the first 4 seasons on DVD.) tonight, so I'll continue this another day this week. I have a lot more time on my hands now ;)
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