What a Beautiful Day

It's supposed to be 84 degrees here today! Phew! And it's only March :)

So I am 19 now. I hope that this year is a pleasing one to my Lord and Savior. I hope that I can implement the things He has taught me since I've been at Cedarville into my life to glorify Him! Here's a picture from Florida that's a good one :) The famous Birthday hat...Bob, Carolyn, Mom and Dad made me wear it!

So today I go to tutoring! I can't wait. The kids at this school in Springfield need Jesus so so badly. The first time I went it took all my strength not to cry. I can't wait to go today and speak lovingly to them! They crave affirmation and love that no one in their lives really seem to give them.

This weekend, I'm going to Indy and staying with Brett and Brinnie. Nick will also be there. Mom and Dad will be there too! And guess who else?!

Alexandria Rhea Rambadt!

I can't wait!  I miss my best friend (and Emily, of course) so MUCH!

This is going to be a great weekend :)

The Hurt & The Healer

Well, I'm back from Florida...sigh. It was a good flight. I traveled for the first time by myself today! It was scary, but crucial to growing up, I suppose. I wish I were back in Tampa, but it was actually really nice here today at the 'Ville, about 70 in fact! Here are some pictures of my last night.

So, the title of today is different, eh? Well, on the way back from the airport I heard this WONDERFUL and appropriate song on K LOVE (equivalent to Pulse in Elkhart). It's a new one from MercyMe. This song is my life right now. Here are the lyrics!

"The Hurt & The Healer"

Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn’t come from the explained
Jesus please don’t let this go in vain
You’re all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all the scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say “It’s over now”

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide 

I have to go finish my speech. :( I turn 19 tomorrow! 

Hoy es el Dia

Well, I woke up early today because I have to work on a persuasive speech I have to give on...MONDAY. The day after I get back from Florida. Oh, and not to mention that Monday is my birthday! Happy Birthday to me, eh? Also, when I woke up, I opened my shades to see cloudiness. I am so sad! No sun on my last day. Maybe God had it be cloudy so I would be forced to work on my speech...fine. Oh well, He knows what I need.

I am very sad to be leaving Florida. I'm sad to be leaving my mom and dad. They are so wonderful and know me so well. I am so blessed to have my parents who speak truth into my life. On top of wonderful parents, I have amazing brothers. I got to talk to Nick the other night on the phone. He gave me such good advice and was so encouraging. I miss Brett, Nick, and Brinnan a lot. They live in Indianapolis/Carmel and I rarely get to see them. I think I'm going to go see them next weekend though! Maybe I'll be able to spend a night with Lexi at IWU as well! I think that would be SO much fun!

I miss my friends from home a lot. I did get to skype Em and text Lexi for a while yesterday...it's just not the same (obviously). I can't wait for the summer when I can hang out with them all the time! It's going to be an interesting summer, though...

For the first time in a long time, almost all of my friends and I don't have boyfriends. It's been really hard for all of us at one time or another, but I really think that this summer could be SO fun. What a good time to encourage each other and to learn to be content exactly where the Lord has us. I'm dreading it...but looking forward to it, too!

I need to go work on my speech... blah.

I forgot :)

Oh! Also! I'm in Florida. God is so perfect in His timing. He knew I needed this! I am in St. Petersburg, which is right outside Tampa Bay. I love spending time with Mom and Dad. Bob and Carolyn LeMaster have been letting us stay with them. They have been so fun and hospitable!

 We got to go see a Yankees spring training game!

Hello, Derek Jeter! 

 This is our view from our balcony.

 My breakfast every morning. I love Francine Rivers!

I go back to school on Sunday :( Sad day.

In The Fire

You know those hard times when it seems like you can't breathe? The times where it seems like God completely takes everything away from you? The times where you feel like you're falling and there's nothing to reach out and grab to stop your fall? That's how I've felt for the last five months of my life. One thing after another. So many of my tears have been shed. So many meals skipped or barely touched because of my lack of appetite. So many anxious thoughts. So many unanswered questions. I feel like David in Psalm 42. I LOVE David. He is so transparent. He talks in this chapter about how his soul is so downcast and disturbed. This is how he answers his own questions: 


"Why, my soul, are you downcast? 
   Why so disturbed within me? 
Put your hope in God, 
   for I will yet praise him, 
   my Savior and my God."


Oh, this has to be my prayer! I have nowhere else to turn. People only disappoint and let me down. Even the ones I love the most and thought I knew. How do people change so much? I guess that's one of the questions God only knows the answer to right now for me. I am so glad that God doesn't change. That reminds me of James 1:17


"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."




This verse has always been one of my favorites. I'm so so thankful that my Father is consistent in all His ways. 


In spite of this hard time, I've learned so many things, especially things in me that are so ugly. I've learned that:


1. I am full of pride
2. I am very indecisive with big, life decisions. 
3. I cry...a LOT.
4. Sometimes I hold other people to standards that I don't even hold myself to.
5. I am not very patient and understanding.
6. Having a renewed mind is VERY difficult.
7. When I'm working through problems, I talk to way too many people about it. Sometimes I seek advice too much.
8. I think that my "thorn" in my side is anxiousness and worry.
9. When things get hard, I get very inward-focused.
10. I think, to a certain extent, I took my friends from home for granted. I miss them so much.


Wow. I have a lot to work on! I'm so glad that the Lord is showing me all this now instead of later. He's refining me. (And boy, do I have a lot to be refined!) I'm in the fire. But, just like Job said, 


"But he knows the way that I take;
   when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold." 


Oh, how I long to come forth as gold! I can't wait to come out the other side of this trial full of heartache and suffering, and to see all the Lord has shown me and made beautiful. 


He makes beautiful things out of dust!