If you had a glimpse of what my life has been like for the past several months, you would understand why I haven't' written in such a long time. My life has never changed so much in such a short time period like it has in 2017. And yet, in the past 6 months, I really feel like there has been a LOT of waiting that has taken place. Out of that waiting came good and bad things...the good being how the Lord has worked everything out, and the bad things being the attitudes that were revealed in my heart. I'll try to catch you up on what's been going on in a concise way so that you aren't sitting at your computer or on your phone reading all morning. :)
I knew that I was going to marry Jonathan around Thanksgiving this past year. I have NEVER been so confident about anything or anyone in my whole life (aside from the person of Jesus Christ, of course). Jonathan is the most precious gift that the Lord has graciously brought into my life. Our relationship has been so FUN and FULL. You know how people use the picture of two people running side-by-side in our race here on earth? Whenever I think about that, I picture Jonathan always being slightly in front of me or running a little faster than I am--encouraging me to keep pushing and leading the way for me. Jonathan makes me want to run faster and more faithfully. He motivates me and brings out the best in me. While our relationship has been amazingly wonderful, it's not perfect, and no relationship ever will be. But in those moments where things are hard, there is miscommunication, or one of us responds in a way that we shouldn't, there is always resolution and grace. I simply can't get over Jonathan--his heart for Jesus Christ and the gospel, his love for others, his steadiness and authenticity, his teachable spirit, how he makes me laugh (even if he's telling lame jokes), his gentleness and understanding towards me, his love for discipleship, his desire to honor the Lord and be a faithful servant, his leadership....and come on, THOSE EYES. ;)
I've had lots of people ask, "So was it worth the wait?" I don't think I could say, "Yes!" any quicker. Jonathan is worth every failed attempt, every heartbreak, and every tear cried in the midst of the waiting. Not only is he worth it, but he's more than I EVER thought my husband would be. I have been praying for and writing letters to my future husband ever since I was 16 years old. Now I know, without a doubt, that Jonathan is who the Lord knew I would end up with before I was even born. The Lord has worked so clearly in both of our hearts, even before we knew each other and started dating. Sometimes I actually think my heart is going to explode with how much love for Jonathan is in it...but I'm glad that it isn't possible for that to happen. ;) Jonathan proposed to me on April 4th while we were down in North Carolina with my family. It was so personal and special, even though I was wearing sweatpants and had no makeup on!
So was the wait for my husband worth it? YES.
The Lord always knows best. His plan is PERFECT and so much better than anything we can think of ourselves. He's not playing games with us. Jesus Christ is our good and perfect Shepherd. He cares. He's present. He's active. Waiting for His plan instead of ours is ALWAYS worth it. Is it easy and comfortable? Oh goodness, no. But if everything were easy, we wouldn't grow and be stretched like He wants us to be. The more we are refined, but more we become like Jesus Christ. That's the goal! What greater privilege is there than to become more like Jesus?
By the time January rolled around, the idea of moving down to Lafayette started to become a reality and goal. Jonathan has 2 more years of his seminary program and internship. But wait. Moving means leaving home, my family, friends, church family, co-workers and students at Orchard View, and everything I've known my whole life. And while the thought of moving on from all these things saddened my heart, the thought of being Jonathan's wife excites me more than anything else. So Jonathan and our parents started praying. I started praying very specifically--more specifically than I have ever in my entire life. Jonathan was so encouraging in this and made the process of trusting the Lord and approaching Him so much easier. Here's what I started praying for:
1. That the Lord would make it clear if this was His plan
2. That I would get a teaching job in Lafayette
3. That I would teach at a public school
4. That I would get to teach kindergarten or first grade
5. That I would have a job BEFORE the end of the school year
6. That I would find a place to live
7. And that the Lord would work out all these details for Jonathan and I that were so unclear and unanswered.
Long story short, I had one interview in April and one in May. I interviewed at Klondike Elementary in West Lafayette on May 2nd, and was offered the job on May 9th. I will be teaching kindergarten at one of the biggest elementary schools in the state! I have heard nothing but GREAT things about it, and my kindergarten team has been SO welcoming, helpful and kind! I'm so excited to teach there, but my heart is also sad because I loved OVE. It was the perfect place for me to start my teaching career. There was a LOT riding on finding a job. I couldn't really move to Lafayette until I had one, and having a job was a huge step in the right direction in my relationship with Jonathan. There were a LOT of days that I didn't see how things were going to work out. I admittedly was very anxious and worried about the whole situation, which was very wrong of me. How could I doubt God? He's ALWAYS provided for me, even if it's not what I expected. He was so faithful even in the midst of my worry.
Was the wait to find a job worth it? Yes.
The next big decision was the timing of moving and how this was all going to work. When was I leaving? Where would I live? How is this going to work? Can I afford to move before I start teaching? Questions. What ifs. I'm a PRO at those...and that really isn't a good thing. Well, after Jonathan and I got engaged, his overseeing pastor and his wife, Brent and Janet Aucoin, offered to let me live with them until I found somewhere to live or until Jonathan and I got married. It was a HUGE blessing to my heart. Not only did they offer me a place to stay, but I LOVE their family and was so excited to get to spend more time with them. We looked at a lot of places. Some days I went to sleep discouraged about the details and wondering if we would ever find the right place...it was a longer process than I would have liked, but the Lord had things for Jonathan and I to learn in the midst of that. Another long story short, our plans changed, and I'll be moving into an apartment in July--that's right, I'm moving in 2 weeks!! Jonathan and I prayed that the Lord would provide a place in HIS timing that will be just right for us after we get married. I prayed that the Lord would lead us to a place that Jonathan and I would look forward to coming home to after a long day of ministry and school, a place that I would be safe living in by myself until Jonathan and I get married, and a great place for a great price. Once again, the Lord so GRACIOUSLY has provided that for us. We were both so confident, at peace, and on the same page with where we will be.
Was the wait to find a place to live worth it? Yes.
So as I sit here, typing up these words, all I can do is be in awe of the Lord's goodness and kindness to me. I do NOT deserve any of the things God has placed in my life. I am the worst of sinners and so often feel the weight of my depraved heart apart from Christ. Salvation alone would have been enough. But not only did Jesus Christ save me from my sin and death that I deserve, He pursues a personal relationship with me. The God of the universe, who holds everything together, who created everything, who is all-knowing, all-powerful and always present wants my heart. He knew me before time, knit me together in my mom's womb, knows how many hairs are on my head, and knows every tear I've cried. He knows my strengths and weaknesses, and every flaw, yet loves me anyways. He knows the best and worst about me and still calls me His beloved daughter. He wants your heart, too, you know. He knows you better than you know yourself. He wants you to have a FULL life that is FREE and ABUNDANT (John 8:32). If you don't know Jesus, just know that He's MORE than WORTH it. In Him we have purpose, life, joy, peace, and love.
Following Him isn't always easy or comfortable, but is following Jesus Christ, our Good Shepherd worth it? YES.
So what's next?
1. I'm moving to Lafayette in the middle of July, after Nick and Lauren's baby comes, hopefully! Emerson Grace is due July 11th!
2. School starts on August 16th, and my journey at Klondike will begin!
3. Jonathan and I are getting married at FBC on December 9th, 2017. Wedding plans are coming along just fine. :) All the big decisions are made, I have a dress, and now the little details are what we're working on.
How can you be praying?
1. For Jonathan as he is in Albania with the youth group at Faith Church (where he's interning) for the next 14 days. Pray for his safety and that the Lord would use their group to further Christ's Kingdom!
2. That I would use the next 2 weeks wisely and find the time to spend time with people here before I leave. I need to pack, clean, and get things ready, but I also want to cherish my days in Elkhart before I go.
3. That the Lord would continue to prepare Jonathan and I for marriage and that we would keep Him at the center of our relationship as things will start to pick up starting in August. I will be busy with teaching at a new place, and he'll be busy with his schoolwork. It's easy for the 2 of us to get bogged down with everything on our plates, but we know that the Lord will enable us and strengthen us to get all the things done that we need to!
I hope this not only tells you about what's been going on in my life, but that it reflects and boasts of who God is. None of this is about me. It's all FOR and ABOUT Him. I am simply humbled by the fact that He wants me to be apart of His story...and now I'll get to do that with Jonathan. ;) What an honor!
